raucous rants

raucous girls in a boys boarding school stuff.

(Kinda like the girl surrounded by the hottieson bothers rant but not really.)

Oh.

My.

God.

These stories are so frustrating! First of all, let's jump to the one where the girl goes as a girl, because there are two different types of these stories. They are:

One) I'm A Girl In All Boys Boarding School??1/11/!/!/11111 OHMEGEE! MY VAJAYJAY WILL BE MURDERED/DESTROYED/SORE FOR THE NEXT YEAR/ETC!

(Okay, I added that last part but the 'ohmegee' part is often in there as well.)

Two) I'm A Girl Pretending To Be A Boy In All Boys Boarding School?/1!!/1/1/1/1!/1 HOLY SHIT. BOOBS AND PORN! HOLY SHIT. EVERYONE'S AN IDIOT.

First of all, it's an all boys (BOYS!) boarding school for a reason. Why the hell would it bend the rules because some semi-gorgeous chick begged and pleaded and gave the puppy dog eyes? Unless they're all pedos. That could be an option.

And why does she have to go to that one? I'm pretty sure there are enough all girls boarding schools or just boarding schools to go around. No need to send your daughter to the one surrounded by guys who haven't had any tralalalalalala sightings in a good amount of years.

And another thing, some of them should probably be gay (or bisexual or pansexual or you get the point). I mean seriously, no tralalala in years, hormonal teenage boys, and an all boys boarding school? Sooner or later, they will say "fuck this shit" and bend over. I'm just saying. 

I'm not saying they all have to be, but come on. Reality.

❝No chicks? Go for the dick.❞

(Yes I am very crude, but who cares? Read my warnings in the summary, yo.)

There's no way to make this uncliche. None. 

I've seen "Emo Boys' Boarding School" (I haven't read it, but how the fuck do they decide who's emo enough?), I've seen "All Boys' Boarding School With My Child" (...Didn't read that either, but I just–ugh, nevermind), I've seen "Boys' Boarding School for Werewolves/Vampires" (Great! I already fucking hated the majority of Werewolf stories on Wattpad, now I hate 'em even more!)

What's next? "Boys Boarding School for Porn-Stars?"

Or, or, how about: "Boys Boarding School for Superheros in Training?"

Facepalm.

Now, the second one. First, most of the girls I know couldn't pretend to be a boy to save their lives. Their nails, their hair, etc, etc. I'm pretty sure none of them would throw away their fab-u-lous apparel (scoff, scoff) just to go to a boys' boarding school. I wouldn't do that even to go to a regular school. Goodness.

Your girly habits are going to peek out.

Secondly, why is the female mc always conveniently shaped like a boy? And they're all like "omfg, good thing". Personally, I think girls wouldn't be too happy to have a body frame similar to a males'.

("Oh but in that specific situation"–SHUT THE FUCK UP. IT'S STUPID.)

Face it: girls can be shaped like a boy, but it's not too often like you guys portray it to be in these stories.

Third, boobs. Even if you have small ones, THEY ARE THERE. Are you serious? When you're changing, someone's going to notice. Plus, they can feel 'em through those bro-huggy things.

Fourth, voice. The author always gives them this "raspy" voice. Like WTF? No. Again, girls can have rapsy/husky voices, but not like that. Anyways, your voice is dead give-a-way. And don't any of you dare retort with "but what if they make a good boy voice" because I will cut you. No, just no.

Fifth, yo period chicka! They're going to smell that blood coming out your tralala. Fishy, fishy.

Sixth, birth certificate. You have to give them this info. It has your gender on it. Game over.

–cadelynn

not personally attacking anyone. those stories i named i didn't dare read, so.

dedicated to: _SecondJaineration_ for being awesome and inspring me to do this rant. ;3

to ze side for the adorable boys (happily) holding hands. ;) can anyone guess what movie that's from?! anyone?

please click the external link if you want to see a rant/guide/tips similar to mine but worded more nicely and not as rude. and better. ;)))