raucous rants

living it up like mary ;)

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

Beep.

And another beep.

Be-

I grabbed my nearby magical hammer of justice and smashed the alarm clock. It was cool though. I had rich parents who bought anything my heart desired; that was their way of apologizing for never being in my life. Isn't that child neglect though? Oh well. I just like to call it disappearing parents syndrome, which really means they have to go on business trips whenever it is convenient to the plot.

I yawned. "I'm so much better than everyone in life!" I said happily.

Ten seconds later, I broke down into sobs.

"Why don't my parents love me? Why!"

Ten more seconds later, I jumped out of bed and slid my sexy ass into the bathroom. Okay, so I had these gorgeous chocolate brown curls that fell to my shoulders, sexy blue eyes, and a gorgeous, slim and tall figure. Yeah, because everyone looks at themselves in the mirror and lists off every physical feature about them! Woohoo!

Five seconds later, I fell into the floor and sobbed.

"Why am I so hideous? It isn't fair!" I wailed, flinging myself around in my bathroom (which looked better than your whole house, fyi). My life was so shitty. Sad face.

I rubbed my smearing make-up off my face because I sleep with make-up on. It hides my ugliness. Even in my sleep I see my ugly face. Woe is ugly ol me. "Time to be the nerd again," I sobbed, slapping on my glasses. Guess what? These pair of the glasses were the key to my ugliness. I was a sex goddess without them on, but with them I was immediately a nerd.

"I'm so hot. Oh yeah," I whispered sexily, putting my finger to my lips and then to my ass. Wriggling my ass, I made a sizzling sound. Ooh, my sexiness burned my own finger! But yeah, I totally wasn't self-centered or anything. I was sad and very depressed, also emotional and other stuff. I sucked.

I hopped in the car with my best friend, Hunter. Of course his name was Hunter because that was a typical hot name, which he is! I just wanted us to rent a hotel room with baby-making music playing in the background and just let him have his way with me. Sadly, he was on another level of popularity, while I was a loser. Still, him being the total good guy he was still picked me as a best friend. I was so lucky. Not to mention in love with him! I sighed dreamily at the thought.

Alas, he had a bitch girlfriend - Sarah Slut. My teeth gritted at the thought of that slut. She didn't love him like I did! He was so sexy with a one hundred pack! That deemed my love for him overall! I mean, he had abs, what else was there? I didn't realize I was drooling until someone spoke on it.

"Nerd Girl, you're drooling. Are you thinking about me naked?"

My name literally was "Nerd Girl". I was born to be a loser.

I glared at the boy in front of me. What you should be thinking: did he have abs? The answer is: hell yeah! All the guys in this school had abs! It was mandatory to get into this school! Anyways, where was I? Oh yes, being a badass nerd. "No way, Hottie McHotStuff! In your dreams!" I snapped, trying to hide the power he held over me. I just wanted us to rent a hotel room with baby-making music playing in the background and just let him have his way with me.

"Damn!" a bunch of students swung open their lockers, hanging from them with their hands cupped over their mouths.

Damn them! They snapped me out of my sexual fantasy with this hot jerk! Growl! Boo! Hiss!