i. Don't Bore Me To Death Within The First Sentence of The Story. Really. Don't.
Okay, I read this one beginning in a published book that pissed me off. It's boring and cliche and went a little like so:
Sup, my name is Alex. I'm sixteen years-old (why always sixteen-seventeen?) and I have blonde hair and blue eyes (insert more description here) blah blah blah ...
(That is a boy by the way. It's Alex from my other examples with Chad. If you read my summary, they are here to stay. Ha, why do I have so many issues? Anyone know? Anyone?)
Try to make it more unique. If not unique, at least interesting. A starter line like: "The flames swallowed the building" or "I knew I was dead the second I looked at his face" is pretty catchy. It makes you want to read on, right? Figure out why the hell there's a fire and/or why the main character thinks they're going to die and whose face are they starting at?
Come on guys, work with me.
ii. Don't Ignore Other Races/Nationalities. That's Bad. Bad Author.
Different races?
You should include this. Like in my race rant, the world isn't just one race — it has many different races. Therefore, you better get with it! In "Once Upon a Dumbass" I'm planning on going all out. Every race in the book, man. And in "Play Gay" I have Asians, Blacks, Whites, you name it.
It's also good to have a mixed character, because mixed people exist as well. Just look at me!
-waves- I'm special. -grins stupidly-
And why is every character either British or American? Like, seriously? Other nationalities exist. I'm Irish! In Play Gay, I'm making Noah Italian. Get with it. And in For the Record, I have a French guy and a British guy . . . and a Hispanic guy.
Vincent: It's true.
Arthur: Indeed.
Riley: . . . Well damn, they took all the good stuff.
Shut up guys. Hey wait, where are Chad and Alex?
Arthur: You use them merely for the examples, do you not?
Well yeah, but I just finished using Alex, so — you know what? Go away. You come in the next chapter! You're ruining my writing tips, dammit. Anyways . . . where was I? Oh yes, branch out a bit. Do some research. I had to do a lot of research and I even took French class for Vincent's character! Humph. Writing is a lot more work than people think, eh? Anyways. Next!
iii. It's The Summary, Kiddo. Not The Whole Damn Book.
Do NOT tell me the whole entire story in your summary. Like, are you serious? No need to go through 20+ chapters anymore, I suppose. It's good to live a little suspense — though that varies between what kind of vibe you want the summary and therefore story to give. The genre of your story itself matters as well.
For example, if it is a horror story, you don't want people to laugh at your summary. They should feel a little spooked and perhaps a bit freaked.
Vincent: Like I was when I first looked into Arthur's face.
Arthur: Bugger off, you twat.
Riley: Oh Cade, you are so genius. The British guy and the French guy hating each other. What's next? You're going to make Skylar a Kung-Fu master? Going to have me eat a churro?
First of all, those are not bad ideas. Second of all, shut up. Third of all, Arthur and Vincent don't hate each other! It's like a love/hate relationship, guys. DAMN YOU, RILEY. You got me off track again!
YOU ARE READING
raucous rants
Humordisclaimer: i wrote in this when i was 13 years old, so it will be unfunny, cringy, and outlandish. that's just who i am baby. you have been warned.
