The Beautiful Hummingbird - Part I

The No Promises Edit

As I open my eyes and I am laid out on my sofa, a blanket over my legs and pillow cushioning my heavy head.  My lips feel dry pulling the sensation down through my arid mouth and into my raw throat.  My head pounds and I feel a permanent frown etched across my forehead. 

I attempt to lift my hand to rub my temple and I realise another hand is entwined with mine.  My head rolls to the side to see Harry sitting on the floor next to the sofa.

He looks comfortingly relieved as the corners of his mouth turn up in a half smile.  "Welcome back, how are you feeling?" His words are soft as his thumb rubs soothing circles over the back of my hand.    

Then it all comes flooding back to me.  The panic attack.  I try to join words together but nothing comes out of my dry mouth.  He immediately rises to his feet, untangling his fingers gently from mine.

"I'll get you some water."

He ventures towards the kitchen, returning quickly with a glass of the cool clear liquid.  He places it down on the coffee table and resumes his position on the floor.  Surprisingly, he takes my hand back in his and commences rubbing the soothing circles again.

"Jesus Natasha, I was so scared," he says quickly, shaking his head looking at me so worried.

I release my hand from his and sit up.  The sudden action rushes too much blood to my head and I flop against the back of the sofa for support.

"Woah, go carefully, don't do too much too soon."  He jumps up and sits down beside me on the sofa and grabs the glass.  "Here drink some water."

I gratefully take the glass out of his hand into my shaking one but it spills all over the side onto the blanket below. 

He takes it back out of my grasp and holds it to my lips to help me. The cool water feels so refreshing as it slides down, lubricating my throat.  His movements are reassuring and I cup my hand over his to steady the glass at my lips.  He places the water back down on the table.

"I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." His words are racked with guilt. 

"It's ok, it happens, well not for a while but it happens." I try to shrug it off to ease his tension.  

"No it was entirely my fault I shouldn't have said what I did, I wasn't thinking, I didn't mean it." He shakes his head in frustration. 

"Look I overreacted I'm sorry you had to see that."

"Natasha no, thank god I was here."

"Yeah thanks so much.  I usually work myself through it but thanks for helping me." I say sincerely.

Suddenly his phone vibrates and he picks it up, glances at it and places it back down on the arm of the sofa.

"Listen, I'm all ok now, you go if you want." I shuffle forward so I am perched on the edge of the sofa.

"Do you want me to go? He sounds surprised as his hand meets my shoulder to stop me in my tracks.  I close my eyes as his fingers squeeze into my skin.    

"You're going back to London tonight aren't you, you need to pack and stuff." I shrug my shoulders. 

"Do you want me to go?" He repeats the question placing more emphasis on the words.

"I'm sure you've probably got places to be, people to say goodbye to."

"Natasha. Do. You. Want. Me. To. Go?" His tone is now questiongly forceful.

I hesitate and look across the room towards the door. 

"Natasha, just answer the question," his hand rub circles on my back. "I've got nowhere to be, no one to see, I will stay as long as you want me to, if you want me to."