The Beautiful Hummingbird - Part I

Love Letter Sixteen

Friday , 28th March 2014

Brazen Management Ltd, Hurlingham Gate, London, SW6

My Darling Natasha,

After you returned to Manchester I decided to throw myself into my work to stop myself from missing you. I had a series of meetings scheduled over the next two days with my accountant, my PA Alysson and the band's management team 'Brazen'

Brazen by name and brazen by nature, they were the best in the business. They managed all aspects of artist's careers and they looked after some of the major names through the music industry. Their reputation preceded them in the ability to build a person into a successful money making brand. Their no-nonsense approach came at a cost however as they were complete control freaks, keeping their artists in check and manipulating them for their own gain. Ruthless is a word that pales into insignificance as far as Brazen were concerned.

The boys and I were only all too aware of the rumours about Brazen. We had seen artists come and go but because success came quickly for us and we more than 'paid our keep', we never experienced any problems. We were a strong united front as a band.

I was really pleased to see the boys again and Louis joked about me being MIA over the last few days. Of course, I shrugged it off and said I was keeping my head down and relaxing. The boys didn't question it as they were all feeling the same after the first leg of the World tour.

The catch up meetings went well with band schedules discussed for the next few months. As we were about to leave, Will, the Senior Director, said he needed to speak with me alone and could I stay a little longer. The others didn't think anything of it, said their goodbyes and left. Being an established act not all promo was done all together anymore. Sometimes we did interviews solo or in groups of two or three.

Will was a sleek operator, an intelligent man, not academically but street wise and with a brain for business. He was someone who had also been lucky with being in the right place at the right time during his career.

He grew up in the 70's influenced by his parent's love of Rock and New Wave music such as Blondie, Kate Bush, Pink Floyd, Squeeze and Bowie. Through his teenage years of the 80's he listened to the New Romantics of Culture Club and Duran Duran and the Indie Rock of The Smiths, Stone Roses and Happy Mondays. Living in Manchester he frequented The Hacienda nightclub where all the big names performed and drugs were a plenty. He soon realised that every artist had their own unique style or brand as it would later be called and music aside this played an important part in 'marketing' of the artist.

In the early 90's when he was just 20 he moved to London and began working at EMI Records Head Office. He started at the bottom of the A&R team but being astute, by the mid 90's he was near the top.

BritPop was big in the market with bands such as Oasis, The Verve and Blur. But it was the emergence of Pop Bands with their brand identities that again interested Will. The likes of Take That, Spice Girls and Boyzone – manufactured pop – bands that were put together to appeal to teenagers with catchy tunes and dance routines.

Britain was financially booming and the parents of these teenagers had plenty of disposable income not just for concert tickets but merchandise as well. Music was big business and Will intended to enjoy a slice of it. By the late 90's he had established Brazon with his good friend and colleague from EMI, Richard.

The Noughties brought a new wave of TV talent shows and took manufactured pop to the next level – competing young men and women against each other for the ultimate prize – to create a band and sell catchy tunes to the masses.

The explosion of the Internet meant kids wanted music instantly on their MP3 players they didn't want to wait years for new singles or albums to be released. Indeed Will was experienced and shrewd and always got what he wanted in the end.

I stayed behind as requested but I dreaded what was coming. I knew it was Awards season at that moment and I had this ridiculous clause in my contract that required me to attend at least two non-band functions per year. I loved any excuse to get dressed up and attend band functions but disliked the 'circus' element of celebrity functions where artists were there just to seen on the red carpet. I thought of you at that moment and how I would love to have you by my side at a band event.

Will then confirmed that I was required to attend the UK Film & TV Awards the next night but on this occasion I will be accompanying Eden Scott. I've only met Eden once briefly before, at an event we both attended earlier in the year in Australia. Miss Scott was a young up and coming actress, having stared in the highly successful TV series Midnight Falls, that had received critical acclaim both in the UK and Stateside. She was up for 'best newcomer' and 'actress in a supporting role' awards.

I remember the conversation like it was yesterday. I made it clear to Will that I would attend because my contract stipulated I must but I would not accompany anyone and go alone. Will couldn't see what the issue was. Of course he couldn't, he didn't now about you and I wasn't about to tell him, it was certainly none of his business. I stood my ground absolutely refusing to go with her. He got really pissed off and started a massive argument between the two of us.

Will did what he always did and probably still does when one of his artists doesn't comply, he bullied me, reminding me of how much I owed Brazen, how I would be nothing without them and threatening that they could destroy me along with the rest of the band. Will wore me down and with no fight left and not being as strong around him on my own as I was with the band, I gave in and stupidly agreed.

Will's parting words that I surely didn't want to harm the band on my conscience cut through me to the core. He suggested most young men would kill to spend the night by Eden's side, afterall what did I have to lose being good looking, successful and single. He told me to give it a chance, it might lead somewhere and most importantly would not do my profile any harm at all.

I was so angry and frustrated with myself for relenting. I stormed out of his office muttering under my breath that I wasn't most men and that was the fucking point, I wasn't single. I called him a tosser and hope he heard me.

My love is always yours, H.x

PS: My biggest regret was not coming clean, I should have told him about us there and then and avoided the mess that was about to unfold.