The Beautiful Hummingbird - Part I

Love Letter Four

Monday, 12th January 2014

The Fairground, Tatton Park, Knutsford, Cheshire, England

My Darling Natasha,

We went on our first date today. Oh, it so wasn't an easy decision about where to take you, especially as I wanted to keep it to myself so couldn't ask anyone's advice Also of course you'd knocked me back but I was determined to change your mind so went ahead and planned something anyway. All the usual places sprung into my mind:-

Cinema - too impersonal and we couldn't talk!

Out for dinner at a picturesque pub - eating a big meal on a first date, no!

Out for dinner at Rosso - too formal for a first date and far too many nosey people!

Bowling - smelly shoes and basket meals on a first date bit naff!

Winter Ice Skating - I'd probably break a leg or your leg so that was best avoided!

Out for a scenic drive - it's winter and dark!

Oh god, it proved so hard, I wanted to impress you but not scare you off. Then I spotted the ad in the local paper about The Fairground Experience at Tatton Park.

Tatton is a beautiful house with lovely grounds not far from Holmes Chapel. I visited there quite a few times as a child for various activities during school holidays. It looked perfect so I drove there around lunchtime to suss it out and pick up the entry wristbands.

I was so nervous when you opened the door to me I was literally shaking. Initially you were adamant that you had to study but as I turned to leave you called after me and changed your mind. Result!

I don't usually notice what women are wearing but I remembered that night - dark blue skinnies, a thick cream knitted sweater with black hearts all over, your black pea coat and Timberlands. I said it was really cold and hat and gloves might be a good idea but you were in a total world of your own and didn't hear me. I couldn't help but laugh, it was you who was staring at me for a change and you looked embarrassed that I'd noticed!

I decided to keep where we were going a surprise and as you got out of the car you gave me the coyest of smiles and squeezed my hand.  It felt as though you didn't have a reason to laugh very much so I made it my mission to have you laughing by the end of the evening.

And what an amazing evening it was, well with me being a complete clown for most of it. My big sheepskin coat got me stuck half way down the Helter-Skelter and you crashed into me. We landed in a heap at the bottom of the slide and when I took your hand to pull you up there it was.  Something that usually takes me a few minutes to unleash on someone had taken me four meetings with you.  Your smile.  To finally see it set free across you face was incredible.  You were laughing so much, it made me laugh too as your happy spirit was so infectious.

I endured the Waltzer with the attendant, who I am sure recognized me, and spun our car the whole time. I felt so sick and gripped your hand so hard. You must have thought I was a right wuss especially as I had to admit to you that fast rides are not my bag, the teacups being more my thing. But of course you didn't think that because then there they were in all their glory, the teacups, and I didn't even have to look at you to know you wouldn't be able to resist pushing me on. You just made a joke out of it and were really sassy when you winked at me about roller coasters being more your thing and I loved it! Not one to duck a challenge I made the most of the teacups just for you and two little fans happy in the process.

We ate hot dogs, drank hot chocolate with marshmellows and candyfloss. I had looked at you a lot over the last few days when we'd been together and your beautiful image was already imprinted on my brain. When I closed my eyes over the last few nights before going to sleep the last person I had seen was you. But you sitting across from me now the world just stopped turning for a few minutes and nothing else seemed to matter. It was just you and me and the candyfloss.

If we hadn't been in public I would have kissed you there and then but that's always the issue for me. I always have to keep one eye on what's going on around me and it sucks, it really does. I can never truly relax. As I popped the sugary floss onto your tongue my heart was telling me not to let my touch leave you but my brain's alarm bells were ringing that the place was crowded. What if someone took a photo of you and me and the media got hold of it. I didn't want that for you, I wanted you and me to be just you and me and no one else.

I didn't want to fuck it up this time. I felt something and I wanted to see where my feelings were going to take me with you. To do that I knew I had to keep you under the radar, to keep you just for me, for a while at least.

Perhaps my choice of date hadn't been such a great idea, out in a public place. In that moment however I didn't care, I didn't care that someone may take a photo, I wanted to let you know that I felt something for you so I didn't pull my touch away from you. I ran my fingertips over your lips and they were as soft as I thought they would be. When my thumb caressed your cheekbone you closed your eyes and leaned into my touch and I knew you were feeling the exact same feelings that were running wildly all through my veins. But then you pulled away sharply and that moment between us was gone too quickly but I would never forget it. My touch left your cheek and we left the table to carry on our wonderful evening together.

When I saw the teddies on the 'Hook the Duck' stall I really wanted to win one for you but you rightly pointed out those stalls are a con! My three attempts failed miserably and then stall attendant recognised me. She went a bit crazy and when she asked me for a photo I was hesitant because we were supposed to be having a night out and I didn't want anything to ruin it. However, when I looked at you, you took it all in your stride and simply shrugged it off with a smile. No fuss, no annoyance, just acceptance - remarkable. I did the photos and she gave me one of the teddies to say thank you. Perks of the job!

Our last two rides were the best. You looked so carefree on the carousel, laughing as it went round, your long hair flying out behind you. I sat on Darcy Horse and you had Natasha Horse. I told you I loved the name Darcy and we decided to christen the teddy bear there and then!

The Big Wheel was magical, you linked your arm in mine and rested your head on my shoulder as the ride turned and stopped, turned and stopped to let people off and on again. It took us up into the night sky and below was a magical view of lights, muffled sounds of music and people having fun.

You said you'd had a wonderful time. And yes, it was a perfect date but I didn't feel smug about that, I just felt so happy that you'd had such a great time, because I had such a great time with you. 

I felt so content, it felt so right, you felt so right. It was happiness I hadn't experienced in a long time.

My love is always yours, H.x

PS:  I won my own bet but it was so amazing to see your laughter that night, that I had made you finally smile!