The Beautiful Hummingbird - Part I

Love Letter Eighteen

Sunday, 30th March 2014
26 Terrace Street, Holmes Chapel, Cheshire, England.

My Darling Natasha,

I arrived at your house at 3am. The house was in darkness, you were probably asleep but I practically beat the door down hoping you'd answer. But there was no answer, perhaps you had gone out and stayed with a friend? Perhaps you hadn't even seen the news? I decided to sleep outside your house in the car for a few hours until you returned.

Around 7am I tried your door again in case you'd returned whilst I'd been asleep. Albert, your neighbour, was venturing out and recognised me. He told me you'd put a note through his door the previous evening to say you'd gone away for a while because you were stressed about college exams. I immediately knew that was a lie.

I had no alternative but to drive to mum's house on the other side of Holmes Chapel. On my way I received a call from Will about the previous night. He said that my absence at the Awards After-Party was most definitely noted by the powers that be and he was unhappy that I'd let Brazen and myself down. Then he told me he knew all about you but that he'd dealt with it.

I was so shocked I completely lost my temper like I never have before. I was shouting at him about how dare he go behind my back and speak to you. He was to leave you alone and never speak to you. Then he dropped the bombshell that it had only taken £10k to make you walk away. His words literally stopped me in my tracks. My silence purely gave him the ammunition to patronizingly suggest that I stop fucking around with nobodys and get my mind back on the game. He hung up before I could respond.

Unable to believe what I'd just been told I had to stop the car and I threw up repeatedly in the bushes. My whole body heaved with such force I couldn't stop. It was as though the disbelief and pain that I felt was seeping out of every pore.

I arrived at mum's house. She was so surprised to see me but soon realised that something was wrong. I was pale, shaking and distraught and practically fell through the front door into her arms. All I could manage to tell her was that I'd been seeing you, had fallen in love with you but you'd left me. I was so tired after the drive and Will's revelations that she helped me to the sofa and I fell asleep. It was the only thing that could block my thoughts of you and trying to make sense of everything.

I couldn't believe that you'd taken the money. I thought we had something real, I'd told you I loved you. My god what a fool I am in love, I wear my heart on my sleeve and fall too easily. I was angry not only with you but with myself. I recalled how broken you were in my arms about your ex. Was that the plan all along, you were going to leave me? Had you contacted Brazen and told them about us? No, Will said he paid you off so he must have contacted you but how did he know about you because I hadn't told him so it must have been you.

I was confused and felt nothing but numbness. Harry Styles, the boy who supposedly has everything, apart from the one thing above all other he really wants, to fall in love with someone who will love him equally back. You are just another failed relationship to add to the pile of the other failed fucked up relationships leaving me all on my own again.

When I woke up my throat was parched from where I'd been sick and I needed a drink. I ventured into the kitchen to see mum but she was on the phone. I sat down at the kitchen island and simply put my head in my hands. Mum's conversation continued, she sounded happy and thanked whomever she was talking to. She ended her call and came over to give me a big hug. She said she'd just make tea and then we could chat.

I asked her if she'd got good news as she seemed happy from her call. She tried to dismiss it but I pushed her to talk to me about it. I'd do anything to delay having to relive the story of you that I knew I was about to have with her because I was going to break down and it wouldn't be pleasant. She said that Alan, the charity accountant, had called. He needed to check with her because an anonymous donation of £10k has been received into the charity account with only the reference "for Special Places" on. It was unexpected and the source of where it came from unknown. He knew nothing about it and neither did she.

I looked at her in disbelief. Then I was up off the stool and grabbing my keys telling her I had to go out. She shouted after me but I said I was ok and would explain later. I drove back to your house like a maniac. I knocked on Albert's door and asked him if he had a key to your house. He hesitated but I said I was worried about you and needed to get inside.

I was greeted with your smashed mobile phone that was in pieces all over the floor and on the table sat the images of Eden and me in the Australian Bar. Rage ran through me when I realised what Brazen had done to us but my first priority was you. I had to find you. Where would you go? I stood in your snug room and looked around the room. My eyes settled on the Special Places wall and I knew where you'd be.

I left Holmes Chapel immediately to drive the 7 hours through the night. I telephoned mum and during an hour-long conversation I told her everything from our first date to what happened last night. She was so worried about you. She said she hoped I'd got it right where you were and that I must drive carefully but get to you quickly.

Next I telephoned Louis. He was my best and most trusted friend. I needed to offload to him about Brazen. It was quite late but luckily for once he wasn't out clubbing! I told him everything about you and what Brazen had done to us and he was fucking furious. I made him promise not to do or say anything to anyone other than the rest of the boys. My main priority was to find you and I'd have a showdown with Brazen later.

I didn't tell either of them where I was headed. I simply said I'd be uncontactable for as long as it took but would call them when I could and if they needed me they should leave messages and text.

After that I settled down to concentrate on the road ahead and the remaining 5 hour drive to Loch Ness in Scotland. I had the address from the picture and the satnav for once seemed to be directing me correctly. The drive was frustratingly long but I used the time to gather my thoughts about the whole mess and work out what I was going to say to you.

I arrived in the village just as the sun was coming up and saw a hire car parked outside the cottage. I knocked on the door quite a few times as it was early but there was no reply. My heart sank, what if I'd got it wrong? What if you'd gone to Spain to see you Dad? I thought I'd made a mistake.

I walked around the edge of the property and into the garden and was taken aback by the remote gentle image of the Loch at sunrise just as you'd described it. It was a stunning sight. Then I saw you, sitting in the field with a blanket around your shoulders, hugging your knees.

As I approached you I realised you were having a conversation with someone and I knew it was your mum. I overheard you say that you really loved me.

My love is always yours, H.x

PS: Louis was so outraged about Brazen. He absolutely hated them as it was because although they never said it their actions implied they thought he was the weak link in the band and they were always trying to screw him over. He promised to keep his mouth shut but I could tell by his voice that he was already relishing the idea of being by my side for the showdown. He had so much sass and I was so angry that Brazen didn't know what was about to hit them!