The Beautiful Hummingbird - Part I

The Goodbye Edit

The following morning we are lying side by side, my head is resting on Harry's chest. I can hear his heart beating strong and steady. He is tracing patterns up and down my arm with his soft fingertips.

Suddenly I feel him tense a little. I peer up at him through my tangled morning hair that he pushes back off my face and tucks behind my ear. His wears a weary expression and dark patches sit puffy beneath his eyes that are not sparkling. Their usual emerald green is grey this morning.

"How are you feeling this morning?" His entire face looks strained.

"Ok but I'm so sorr-." He cuts me off putting his finger to my lips and shaking his head.

"No, don't say it, you having nothing to be sorry for, I'm the one who is sorry."

I look at him perplexed resting my hand over his, "you did nothing wrong."

"I shouldn't have pushed you so fast." He gaze leaves mine and he closes his eyes.

"Harry you didn't, I wanted you so much but when it came to it I just-."

I can't finish the sentence. I take a deep breath in and close my eyes. I feel his hand cup my cheek and I open them again and he's staring right at me.

"It's ok, but remember I meant everything I said last night."

I hug into him tightly in response and he kisses my forehead whilst wrapping both of his arms around me. We hold each other for a few moments before Harry breaks the silence.

"Natasha I want to tell you all about me, tell you everything, it's important you know the real me."

"I know all I need to know, your past doesn't matter, only the here and now. Last night was about me and not because I have doubts about you or us." I answer firmly.

"Please Natasha, I want to." Harry's voice is strained as though he is carrying thoughts he needs to get off his chest.

I think to myself that perhaps after my revelations about my past last night he feels he needs to share more of himself with me. I rest my palm on his chest and my chin on top and look at him and smile. He talks and I let him.

"The first year of being in the band I was a naive 16 year-old kid in a sweet shop of girls. I'd dated girls at school but this was on another level all together. They were everywhere the band went, swarming around us. Initially it was like a dream to have all that attention.

I'm not going to lie to you, in those early days I had lots of experiences with many different girls and in some very strange places. But drunk in the toilets of a dingy nightclub with a girl's hand down my jeans, well it was what it was. I was a teenager, it was there for the taking and I did.

At first it was a laugh, a game between the band, who could have the most but as time went on it began to feel wrong. We didn't want to be known like that, having a disrespect for the opposite sex. It was certainly not the way I was brought up. Also, we had to be so careful because girls look much older than they are and we didn't want to get caught doing anything inappropriate with anyone underage so always aired on the side of caution.

However, each time I became sexually frustrated I found myself back there again and with so many willing to throw themselves at me I had a few one night stands which management ended up 'sorting out' to keep them from running to the press. Again, I hated it and myself because really it wasn't me.

However, I was still a virgin and it began to weigh heavily around my neck. So after an Awards ceremony one night I gave it away to a women, just to get rid of it. The media found out I spent the night with her and I began to get a reputation of having a penchant for the more mature lady. My parents massively disapproved whilst the media made a joke out of it.