The Beautiful Hummingbird - Part I

Love Letter Nine

Tuesday, 13th January 2014

26 Terrace Street, Holmes Chapel, Cheshire, England

My Darling Natasha,

After I left you I nearly called you so many times. I was worried that my second departure had still left you confused and I wanted to give you something to reassure you more that I hadn't walked away from you again.

When I arrived back at Mum's we chatted over supper. She thought I'd been out with Jonny, my best friend from school, for the evening and stayed over to spend the day with him and I didn't correct her. I didn't want a barrage of questions as I had a busy day ahead tomorrow.

I took a shower and packed my bag but as I did, my camera caught my eye. I looked back over the photos I'd taken during the last few days and had an idea of exactly what I wanted to get you.

I already had the sunrise picture but the other three required a bit of creativity on my part. The shot of the mug was easy to set up and Mum's Scrabble board came in handy for 'Special Places'. For the horse, I drove back to Tatton Park and explained to the ride owner why I wanted to take a picture of the carousel horse Natasha and he was more than happy to oblige.

I headed to the photographic shop in town and I was able to edit and print the photos, choose the black frame and white mounts and our first 'Special Places' was complete. However, when I saw the black and white pictures in the frame I instantly knew it wasn't right. I stared at the photos for quite sometime trying to figure out why. I love black and white but they looked stark. I had told you I see the world in black and white but it suddenly dawned on me that I don't see you that way at all, I see you in colour. It was a revelation if I'm honest. I reprinted the photos with hints of colour.

Before wrapping my gift to you I took one long last look at it. It turned out exactly as I'd planned and said everything I needed to say about how I felt about you.

I drove to your house half hoping you were out as I wanted to leave the gift as a surprise. I saw Albert again who explained you were at College so I left the parcel with him to give to you when you returned later.

I've never been good at goodbyes and every time I returned to my childhood town and left again, it brought back memories of when I was 16 and left for London to join the band. Mum tried not to get emotional but we hugged longer than we should, especially as I was going on tour and it would be sometime before we saw each other again. With all the technology in the world, nothing beats a hug from your mum!

Feeling emotional myself, I set off down the M6 motorway towards my London home. I thought back to the wonderful times I'd spent with you over the last few days. I wrote best when I was happy and in a content place and more edgy and deep when I was sexually frustrated. This day was a first for me as I was in both places at once!!

My mind was whirring with lyrics as I set the Voice Memo icon on my iPhone to record and they poured out of me like I've never known before, mostly random and not connected:-

Feels like a shot in the dark

Your bullet is piercing my heart,

These feelings are blowing my mind.

Catch you looking at me

You look away but I see

Your eyes tell a thousand truths

Crowded room

My eyes fail me

But the sense of you is near