The Beautiful Hummingbird - Part I

The Truth Edit

I suddenly sense someone is standing close by. I don't look across, I can't because I know it is Harry. My heart starts to beat faster as I close my eyes and take in a deep breath. How did he know where to find me and why is he here? He is the last person I need to be near me right now.

Out of the corner of my eye I see his tall lanky body sink down to the ground as he sits a few feet away from me, exactly as I am, hugging his knees and looking out over the Loch.

I continue to stare ahead, the morning breeze gently circling around the hillside fans my face. I hug my knees a little bit tighter and rest my chin on my forearms watching the sun as its rays reach out from it's core. The Loch below is still shrouded in black where the sun has not risen high enough in the sky to illuminate it.

Harry breaks the silence between us.  "The sunrise is as beautiful as I you described it," his raspy tone is so small it is barely audible as it reaches me.

I continue to just stare out over the Loch.

Then I feel him looking across at me. "What have I done to you Natasha, I'm so sorry," his words are strained.

I am still unable to look at him and with disdain in my voice I respond, "Don't call me Natasha, you have no right to call me that."

"Sorry, I am so sorry, please." His voice is cracked but I cut him off.

"I don't want you here, you shouldn't have come. I want you to go." I can feel the break in my throat as I am fighting back emotions welling up inside of me.

"Please, let me speak and then if after telling you what I have to say you still want me to go I promise I will."

"Promises, promises." I sigh. I don't respond anymore, I can't because if I do I will break down. I rest my forehead on my forearms to allow a single tear that falls to soak in to my jumper.

"Please it's lies, all of it." He is distraught and sounds as though he is going to break too but he carries on.

"After dropping you at the airport I had a band meeting with Brazen. My contract states I have to attend so many events a year. They told me I had to attend the TV event and go with Eden. For the first time in my life I stood up to them and told them I would attend but would only go alone. They basically bullied me into going with her and threatened what they would do to me and the band if I didn't agree. I let them ware me down and I caved."

"Why didn't you call me, explain. That's all you had to do." I retort.

"After everything, I couldn't face telling you the truth so I took the cowardly way out and ignored your calls, believing I could sort it out later." He takes in a deep breath and continues and I can tell he is fighting back his emotions. "When I saw the TV news pictures on the red carpet I knew you would have seen them and I had to get to you but when I arrived at your house you'd gone."

"What did you expect, me to greet you with open arms." I can feel the strained frown pulling right across my forehead.

"No but I knew something else wasn't right and when Brazen then told me they knew about you and offered you money to 'go away' and you'd accepted it, they played me again because I stupidly believed them. I was so confused about how they knew about you, about everything."

"Harry, how could you even contemplate the thought I would do that. I tried to call you over and over but they blocked my number to your phone. The way they spoke to me, I felt worthless, like a nothing, just like in the past." I am beginning to shake recalling the phone conversation with Brazen.

"Oh my god, I am so sorry. I had nothing to do with it please believe me. The day I drove you to Heathrow a fan took a picture of you and me in the car and posted it on Twitter. The press got hold of it, thought it was me with Eden and splashed it across the media. However, after my meeting with Brazen and my refusal to go to the Awards event with her, they knew it wasn't her. They went behind my back and I don't know how but they found you." Harry's tears are now falling uncontrollably through his words.

"When Mum got a call from the bank about the anonymous donation to the charity, that's when I knew. I hate myself to the core for thinking that you had taken the money. I returned to your house and begged Albert to let me in and I saw how they'd lied to you."

"What about the pictures of you and her together in Australia?"

"I am not with Eden, I've never been with her. I met her for the first time at that event. The pictures taken were a friendly hug goodbye. I didn't kiss her, I've never kissed her or anyone else since I've met you. They have played me and played you but not anymore. I am begging you for another chance Natasha. Please don't let those bastards ruin what we have. I have been foolish again but I love you so much, please forgive me, I am so sorry."

I have listened to everything he has said. It seems we have both been played. The media headlines I saw about Harry and Eden were because of the picture of me and Harry. If only I'd clicked on them I would have seen.  It seems I didn't trust enough in us. Yes Harry thought I'd taken the money over him but he was as confused and not thinking straight, just as I wasn't thinking straight and made poor judgements. Because we didn't communicate with each other we are both now hurting immensely inside.

Without looking at Harry I simply say "you hurt me Harry, don't ever do it again" and with that I hold out my hand to him and he takes it in his, not moving from his spot as we both look out over the Loch at the sun as it rises.

I finally look over at him. His face is stained with tears, he looks so tired from the long drive. I lift one side of the blanket up and he crawls to my side, wrapping his arms around my waist and burying his head into my shoulder. It is at this moment that I finally let my guard down. Tears flow out of me as I sob. I recall my conversation with Tom and how he manipulated me into believing I was a worthless fling. Harry pulls me into him and kisses my hair, holding me tight.

"Never believe that Natasha, you are the best thing that's ever happened to me. I love you so much."

Clinging onto his shirt I reply, "it wasn't until I lost you that I realised how much I love you, how much I need you."

"I promise you that I'll never let anyone or anything come between us like this again. If I had lost you over this I would have never forgiven myself."

The morning is quite chilly and we head inside hand in hand. We are both emotionally exhausted and we need to sleep. I lead Harry into the bedroom where we both get into bed, still fully clothed and just lay in each other's arms before falling asleep.

It is mid afternoon when I finally wake. Harry is still asleep but his arms are still around me. Even in sleep he looks stressed. I take a moment to go through everything in my mind. There are no unanswered questions. Everything that happened did so because we were manipulated into situations that were lies.  Just thinking about it all it's still so raw.  

Harry stirs and pulls me to his chest and he whispers, "Hey, it's all going to be okay. I hate what this has done to you, to us."

"Harry, I'm just trying to make sense of it all."

"That's the issue through, none of this makes any sense at all. I am absolutely done with Brazen but for now I want to concentrate on us for the next few days. Spend time together here, away from everyone and everything. What do you say?"

I look into his beautiful green eyes and they are shining again. "I say yes."

Harry kisses me gently and as I return his kiss I close my eyes and I am back in my happy place once more.