Reviving Sage

[Chapter 21:]

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Saturday 8:50pm: "Hey baby, was that last text for me? I called you twice and you didn't answer...so i'm kinda getting worried here" there was a long pause, "Call me whenever."

Saturday 9:25pm: "This is really unusual...did your phone autocorrect your text or something? Call me babe."

Saturday 10:12pm: So...hey...um i'm kinda beginning to think that text was for me, and I just wanted to talk out whatever I did...i do some pretty stupid things sometimes," he laughed nervously, "Call me back kotik--I want to hear you yell at me. That better than nothing right?"

Saturday 11:34pm: "Okay, so I know i'm probably stressing out over nothing, and you probably just fell asleep early, but I can't help myself, are you okay baby? Call and let me know soon...okay?"

Sunday 12:26am: So, something is definitely up, because I called and you answered for a second before you hung up. Which is good because it means you're alive and some aliens didn't abduct you or anything. But it also means you're ignoring me.' he sighed dejectedly, "Did I freak you out tonight tonight at rocky oaks? Because...i know...i can come across a little...you know what? Nevermind... i'm sorry this is so silly. I'm overreacting. Goodnight lovely."

Sunday 3:56am: "Sage, I can't fall asleep knowing you're mad at me babygirl." his voice slurred the tiniest bit, "I've had a drink or two and this is so weird, drunk dialing somebody," he laughed sadly, "You've got me hooked, because I can't even fall asleep without hearing the sound of your voice, and that damn voicemail answering machine of yours isn't helping. It's making me hard actually." he hiccuped into the speaker and sighed, "I'm sorry for fucking up.. I'm sorry for whatever I did that made you send that text. I'm sorry for being an impulsive and possessive sometimes, but I don't want us to be over Sage." he paused, "Remember in the hospital when Ella broke my hand and I told you that you needed me? I think I got it all wrong Sage...I need you more than you'll ever need me." his voice was a low husky whisper before he stopped speak altogether, "Tell me what I need to do to fix us."

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My phone was full, and my heart was left a little emptier. It was like a space he'd been unknowingly occupying was suddenly vacant, which in turn left the rest of the filled spaces to shut down temporarily.

I hurt.

This whole situation hurt.

Just after finding out what all his past had entailed, I was livid and hurt and just downright sad. Then for a while I thought I could just get over him, I thought I could get over us. Everything we had, and the moments we'd had, i thought I could erase it all and just delete him from my head.

Funny how my heart wasn't letting that happen...

When I tried to delete his number, I just ended up staring at my screen for thirty minutes. When I tried to delete a picture of him I always found some reason to talk myself out of it. And when It came to down to trying to delete those voicemails, I ended up replaying them way too many times and beating myself up for how I was causing this whole thing.

I was causing my own pain because I was being a coward who wouldn't answer the damn phone.

And when I thought i'd built up enough courage to respond to him, to hear him out, everything just stopped.

They all just stopped.

The voicemails and texts, everything for a full day. And without that small push from him I just stopped. I replayed everything i'd ever said to him, and how i'd treated him and I realized that I didn't deserve him. And I was too late because he'd probably come to that conclusion as well. He always said he needed me...but it was me who needed him.