City of all things changed (ON HOLD)

18-Revelation

I don't even know how to apologise for the wait on this chapter. Have a read of the A/N at the end of the chapter for some exciting news though! Enjoy x

Clary's POV-

I felt the strong beating of the monster that is my thoughts, my actions, me. It was beating on the mental wall I had constructed arduously. It was strong, determined and terrifyingly flawed with Jace Herondale.
He was the one my body took me to when I had little strength to control it myself. I did not stay with my brother who I had lived and grown up with. I did not aid my father when I saw my power-hungry sibling attack him, I don't even know if either of them were alive. No, I stumbled and tripped all the way to where Jace was and he caught me when the world faded into darkness.
I could feel his presence beside my bed, softly stroking my hand, sending small tingles up my forearm. Like a chain reaction, it traveled up towards my chest and made my heart beat faster and my stomach flutter. Each caress stimulating the same reaction. I hated it.
No, that's a lie, it felt wonderful. Better than I ever remember feeling. I didn't hate the sensation, I hated that he could do this to me. I hated how he made me feel this way. But most of all, I hated how out everything in the world, Jace Herondale, a mere boy, was my weakness. Like Jocelyn is my father's flaw, Jace is mine.

I always thought my father could be my role model, except his flaw was a simple woman. My brother will have no flaw similar, he cannot love the way we can for he is fully and completely a demon. My demon can be sated with love because it is countered with my angel side, but sometimes I wonder whether angels are actually any better than demons.

My brother and I were always very similar, especially with our fighting. That was the good thing about growing up with a sibling like Sebastian, we would use each other to become better. When sparring, we would find each other's flaws, and in true sibling rivalry, we would exploit this flaw until it no longer existed. One flaw we agreed that we could keep is that we would never want to hurt the other too badly. Father noticed this as well, he tried to train it out of us, for we couldn't really hurt each other much as we were practically the same. But now the balance has shifted.
Our only weaknesses used to be each other and now, I had another. This was different though.
With Sebastian, I simply didn't want to hurt him while we were training. In a fight, I know he had my back, I had his. I knew he could take care of himself and he knew I could too. With Jace I didn't. I didn't know how he worked, I would be constantly looking for him, making sure he wasn't hurt. He was that type of weakness. I couldn't have that. But I feel like it would be worse to be without him.
I used to always follow my mind, I would trust my instincts but I would always analyse it. Now, for the first time, I had a second option. I could go against everything my mind is telling me, and I could follow my heart. I had never had to deal with something like this before. My past self would have laughed in my face at such a thought. If only there was a rune that could help me with this predicament.
Deciding I didn't like the way my legs felt numb from not moving, I peeled open my eyes. And turned my head, the light shining off of his hair made it look like a halo. Oh what a coincidence. His face looked drawn and pale. His beautiful eyes seem to shrink back into his head and they had dark circles surrounding them. He looked positively exhausted, but still, with heavy-lidded eyes, he met my gaze.
"Clary?" A smile was trying to work its way onto his lips but it didn't have the energy.
"Jace, you look horrible" I said, I found myself worrying about him, and for the first time, I didn't mind.
I slowly sat up, reaching my thin, calloused hand out to caress his hallowed cheek. I took in all of him, "Jace, you must go eat, and sleep." i inwardly frowned at the concern spread thickly through my voice. When did this happen?

Why did it take my demon to get enraged at him to take away this barrier. I could physically feel the raw connection we had, one that I never knew I craved until now. For once in my entire life, my whole being agreed and knew exactly what it wanted. I wanted Jace, I wanted him so much that it hurt.

"I was waiting for you Clary. I will always wait for you" He said in a soft but gravelly voice. 

"You will never have to wait again Jace, now you have to learn how to keep up with me" I teased with a small smile, he tried his hardest to smile but it didn't reach his pale golden eyes. Nothing did at the present moment. 

"Please Jace, I'm begging you to rest" I pleaded with him, I could just imagine the disgust my father would feel for such words coming from his own daughters lips. Jace's infamous smirk that I had grown used to stretched onto his cracked lips and I felt a strange sensation going through my chest, making my breath catch, "Would you get on your knees?" He asked in his usual tone, I couldn't decide whether I was glad he was back or not. 

"Never" I reply instantly, stubborn once again, but when he smiled at me I couldn't help but smile back. 

"Now go to sleep or I'll put you to sleep myself" I ordered him and he gave me one last smile before nodding and dragging himself over to another bed in the infirmary and closing his eyes, not even bothering to get under the covers.

I don't know what happened, but I now know I need to accept this and make it work. What if I could make my weakness a strength? The classic thought of a walking cliche, but perhaps it could be true. I needed to kill something, get back into my space. So while Jace slept deeply, I went out and got my gear as sticky with demon blood as I possibly could. I sat in the weapons room cleaning my blades thoroughly after that. I cleaned each one until I was blinded by my reflection before hanging it back up on the walls or placing it back in its case gently. We must treat our weapons with care and respect, they keep us alive and their souls are pure.

I did as many things as I could to keep my mind and hands busy. I was fidgety waiting for Jace to wake, I wanted to train with him, I wanted to learn how he works and what he does. Both Izzy and Alec praise him for his skills, I admit, he is very good, but he has different techniques that involve his quick wit as well as his quick hand with a blade. I waited in the training room, sitting on one of the top beams peacefully balancing with closed eyes and a slowly relaxing mind. I became aware of everything around me, the wood parts sticking into my bare flesh. The almost silent sound of moths flitting their wings, propelling them into windows and lights. I could almost feel the dust particles going into my nose with every breath and resting on my still legs and arms. I heard the far-away, familiar footsteps and started to wake my mind from my state of peacefulness.

"Clary? Where are you?" His voice says gently, I sit and just listen his voice was heavenly, it provided a warmth and comfort that I had never experienced before. 

I jumped down from the beam and landed directly behind him, "Here" I said simply, it sounded cold and blunt so I cleared my throat to try and soften my voice, I don't think it worked.

"Clary, What happened to you?" 

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Ok so... hi

It has been a long time since I have even been on Wattpad at all but I've found myself with a lot of free time since I finished school and though to maybe come and revisit this book. HOWEVER, please be patient with me, it has been a long time since I read the series so I am watching the tv series on Netflix as a refresher on just general stuff because obviously it is not the same as the books. On top of that, this book is not the best thing I've ever written so I may go through and edit it to also refresh myself on what its all about. 

Anyway, enjoy this chapter, I will try to keep it up this time, but I've also just put up some original stories for you! Heinous Conduct and The Izilo are my own works and I'm really excited about them! I am just starting them up but I may focus on getting them a few more chapters before I come back to this again properly, so for now enjoy sporadic updates and check out my other books for some higher quality writing that I think you'll love if you love TMI and similar things! 

Stay tuned for more info lovelies

Bells xxx