Random unrelated stuff

When it rains

This is some hightly emotional crap i wrote when i still liked that kind of thing. I still love rain tho :)

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When it rains, it’s supposed to signal sadness or loss. It makes people sad. They feel depressed. But I feel happy.

It’s not that I don’t feel sad at all, or that I take joy in other people’s pain more than usual. Whenever the dark clouds gather, my heart lifts into a lighter form of misery. I don’t become less sad, just in a different way.

Maybe it’s because I enjoy the feeling of sadness. Whenever I’m not in a good mood, I do tend to keep it around me. I like to examine it, my grey shroud, and identify each of the threads it’s made of. A bad mood isn’t just a bad mood. It has different colors, different feelings, each a thread in the cloth around your shoulders. Jealousy, anger, bitterness, grief, remorse, guilt, love, rejection, yearning, hunger, misery, hate, disgust, lust, and shame, all can be woven together to create a beautiful thing. So can I be blamed for holding on to the fringe and picking through every piece?

I feel that part of it is that rain is so much like tears. I feel like I’m crying, but I’m not crying alone. Someone up there knows how I feel and feels it with me. The whole world is sad. The black thread, the feeling of being alone, is washed away by the tears of heaven. The thunder vibrates through me; I can feel it shaking the fear from my heart.

And then, when it’s over, when the tears have stopped, it’s so peaceful. Everything smells fresh and renewed. The memory of the rain is still there in the scent of cleansing, but it only makes it smell so much better. The pain is gone, and the birds sing again.