Once In A Lifetime (Katy Perry/John Mayer Fanfic)

Chapter Twenty-One: Silence Is Key

"You're... You're breaking up with me?" Katy said in the most heartbreaking tone as her voice quivered, and her body became distant as she looked at me, tears filling her eyes.

"No, I... I said that wrong," I said in a desperate plea, angry at myself for making Katy upset when it was only due to my wrongful way of speaking. "I meant that, that... That I'm leaving you... To go to Montana."

"What do you mean?" She asked, tears rolling down her face as she still continued to straddle me, her legs either side of me as we sat on the couch.

"I think it's best if I go to Montana to do my treatment and recovery. It's quiet and I can spend some time there on the ranch, away from any media. I've really fucked up my image in the press and I really just want to get away from it, Kate," I said in an almost desperate plea, hoping I was starting to make some sense because God knows I hadn't nearly fucked everything up just two seconds ago.

"I'm not... Uh,y'know...I would never do that to you Katy. I was just nervous and it came out wrong. I still want to be with you," I pleaded, not believing how awful this thing was turning, and hoping she would trust me and not get upset. I wouldn't blame her, though. Montana wasn't just a ten minute drive away.

"How? It's not going to work John. Long distance relationships just don't work out, I would know," She said, her lip wobbling as she gnawed on her thumb, something she always did when she was nervous. She folded her arms across her chest as she did so, not looking me in the eye though I desperately wanted her to - I knew she wasn't because she was about to cry again. I hated seeing her cry, and even more so; I hated being the one to make her cry.

"But we can make it work, I'm willing to if you are," I said as I caressed her jawline carefully with my forefinger, leaning in to kiss her cheek just as a tear rolled down it. She sighed, before her body left mine, and she stood up, combing her fingers through her Raven waves of hair.

"It's not that I'm not willing, John. It's just I know what's going to happen, I know that this is all going to turn to shit..." She said uneasily, turning away from me and pacing the room as she gave off a very stressed and upset vibe, understandably, though it really wasn't helping my case at all. I felt bad enough, and I knew Katy was upset. It was like an ultimatum.

"No, Katy, it's not. We can work this out, we can still be us, we'll just be a little apart..." I said, not wanting to get into an argument with her in sheer fear of everything we had being thrown out the window - it was up in the air at the moment, being questioned. The more I sat there, the more I wondered whether it was really worth it. I never wanted to lose her, but this was going to really effect us... Her. I cared so much about her, and worried about her until I felt sick most days.

Is it really worth it?

"When are you leaving," She said somewhat coldly as she played with the photo frame on the fireplace, which ironically was of the two of us from a few weeks ago when we'd taken a late night trip to our favourite beach.

Happy times, before all of this happened. When we didn't have a care in the world.

"Two days," I sighed back, combing my fingers through my short hair, which I was still very much getting used to. I knew she wasn't going to like it, I knew it was soon. But if I'd told her any sooner, I probably would've been convinced to stay, or else wise. This was what's best, and even though it hurt like fucking hell, it had to be done - whether Katy approved or not.

"Fuck," She said almost in a whisper and just by that word alone, and how she said it, I knew she was upset. Of course she was upset, I wasn't a fucking idiot - it was soon, and it was a shock. I didn't dare look up to her right now - my guilt and sorrow was turning me into a complete coward in this moment.