Once In A Lifetime (Katy Perry/John Mayer Fanfic)

Chapter Eighteen: Dreaming With A Broken Heart

JOHNS POV

"Katy, let's go. I want to get out of here," I sighed as I finished talking with the doctor, for which I had to schedule appointments over the next two days involving tests, after tests, after tests. This whole thing was scaring the absolute shit out of me, I honestly thought I was about to have a panic attack then and there. I probably would have it if weren't for Katy now waiting outside the door for me to finish doing a couple of tests that the doctor wanted to do privately.

"Are you okay?" She asked a little uneasily as we walked towards the front doors of the center, basically almost running due to how much I wanted to get out of here. The things the doctor said to me, I don't know if I'll ever forget. I don't know if I've ever felt this scared in my entire life, or wished for time to rewind itself.

I couldn't even bring myself to reply to Katy... Words wouldn't seem to find a way to come out of my mouth. I found it adorable that she was here with me, supporting me - it hasn't even been a month since we've started dating yet, and yet she cares this much. It really meant a lot to me, even if my emotions and fears were overpowering. I wanted to hold her close to me, yet I wanted to be completely alone right now. I felt as if I'd somehow stepped out of my body, that my soul has disappeared someplace else and I was just a walking ball of nothing.

I wanted to punch something, yet I wanted to cry at the same time. I rarely ever cried, but this shit was scary. There was a high possibility I could have throat cancer... Cancer. That word sent shivers down my spine, and made my heart beat faster, my feet following along with it as I placed almost too quickly towards Katy's car, which was parked outside as she followed outside. The tests that I would take tomorrow and the next day, and the following weeks to come, would determine my future. Depending on the results, literally everything in my life could change.

I wish I'd kept my fucking mouth shut, I wished I hadn't told Katy about this whole thing. Not because I didn't care about her - in fact, it was the complete opposite. I felt like such a fucking asshole for putting her through this, even though she was the one taking initiative and actually doing something about it. Knowing myself, I probably would've just brushed it off of my shoulder. Probably would've been easier that way, pretending it didn't exist and attempting to move on with my life.

I felt Katy cuddle herself into my side but due to the poisonous thoughts racing around in my mind, I instantly moved away from her, causing her to lose her balance a little bit with the sudden movement.

John what the fuck is wrong with you? It's not her fault, don't make her feel like it is.

I heard her sigh and I saw her fold her arms across her chest as she now walked beside me, but at a distance. I wanted to hold her, and bring her back into my side but I just couldn't. I felt as if my whole life was falling apart. I can't do this, I can't get through this. I'm already losing this battle, and I'm going to lose everyone around me.

We approached Katy's car, and I watched as she walked around to the drivers side, giving me a smile but not before my feet suddenly halted on the hot pavement, making her give me a questioning look, her eyebrows furrowed beneath her sunglasses.

"I'm sorry... But I can't do this right now," I said, instantly regretting the words pouring out of my mouth but I was so hot headed with emotions that there was no way to stop myself.

"I need to be by myself," I sighed, looking down to my feet as I combed my fingers through my long curls of hair which needed a wash, actually.