Once In A Lifetime (Katy Perry/John Mayer Fanfic)

Chapter Thirty-Eight: Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

It's been an hour since Katy stormed out of my apartment.

An hour in which it's been since I'd followed her, secretly in my car as she hailed a cab, following the direction in which it took towards downtown Los Angeles, despite how much she obviously hated me right now. It seemed like I could honestly do no right by her, and I wasn't sure who's fault it was to call. I guess she hated me, truly, and I guess I was too protective and too in love with her to see it. Maybe she wanted this as an excuse to end things. I hated thinking irrationally like this, I mean, technically it was only an argument right? But it had so much more meaning and intention than that. I don't think Katy would've got so heated over nothing. Maybe it was a sign. And as more time passed, the more signals seemed to be making themselves visible.

Or maybe, just maybe she only needed space. That's what I'd gathered, anyway. I'd been sitting in my car outside of this random apartment building where Katy had been inside for at least forty-five minutes by now. The entire time I'd been gnawing at my thumb wondering whether I should go inside or not. I had no idea who's house this was, though I could only assume it was Shannon, Mia or Markus' home. I hated that I was too much of a coward to build the nerves to go in and see her. What if she was hurt? I sounded ridiculously overprotective but I wasn't exactly confident in this whole stalker situation right now. It didn't exactly help that Katy didn't even want to tell me about it. Did she not trust me enough to tell me these things? I was terribly confused, but more worried than anything. I didn't want this to come between us, I didn't want it to be the thing which tore us apart. Yes it was stressful, yes it was scary, but I just hoped she would trust me enough to be able to protect her. I would spend my entire life doing so if I had the chance.

I let out a sigh as I combed my fingers through my hair, feeling the texture now had become grotty and slimy, my hair in desperate need of a wash. I familiarised myself with the light coming in from up ahead, noting how the sun was setting already. I needed to make a decision, whether I would go and see her or not. I knew she didn't want to see me, but she was a complete mess - she didn't even have proper clothes, for Goodness sake, just an old shirt of mine placed over her tiny body. I couldn't imagine what her friends would say about the bruises, or better yet, what Katy would say. I could only hope she knew how to protect herself for all the right reasons.

I cleared my throat before opening the door to my Range Rover, the cool afternoon wind placing itself on my skin as I climbed out of my car, placing my Ray Bans onto the top of my head as I shut the door behind me. I looked up at the building, full of both nerves and regret.

But I had to do this. I had to see her. I had to make this better.

KATY'S POV

I wiped the tears away from my cheeks with the bottom of my t-shirt, John's shirt, as I attempted to calm down, my face red, sore and irritated from crying so much in a small amount of time. If I was honest, I was sick of the breakdowns. I was sick of being unstable, confused, of being scared. Scared to love and scared to live. I felt fucking awful for the way things had gone down with John, I hated myself so much. He didn't deserve that. I knew he was only trying to help, I knew how scared he must be too.

I didn't want to go back home, because I was scared after everything that happened following into the late hours of last night. John, though, was such a kind, caring guy... Why did I always have to fuck everything up? Why couldn't I handle these problems thrown at me like a mature adult, instead of trying to run away from them and shut everyone who tries to help me, out?

I literally had nothing on me. Nothing. I had my purse with my phone and my credit cards in it, but nothing else. I looked like a hot mess, still wearing stilettos from last night, the dress I'd worn now torn and ruined and instead I wore this shirt. I looked like some prostitute waiting to get picked up on Sunset Boulevard, honestly.