Once In A Lifetime (Katy Perry/John Mayer Fanfic)

Chapter Fifty: A Slave To (This) Love

"I can't do this," I sighed, ruffling my fingers through my hair as hot steamy years threatened to spill from my eye sockets at the realisation that if I told my Mom... Katy and I really were over. And I simply, just wasn't ready for that.

"Yes you can, just go in there and-" She stated back, pointing one of her perfectly manicured nails towards the door as I shook my head, though I looked down to the floor.

"Us. Katy. Us. I can't keep pretending like I don't care about you. I want to be with you... It's taken all this for me to realise I was so wrong all along," I said as I looked back at her, watching her furrow her eyebrows in surprise as she evidently wasn't expecting that. To be honest, neither was I. But it was in this final hour now that I realised how much I loved her, and it didn't matter how much I attempted to ignore it - I was still madly in love with her.

"What?" She said back quietly as her facial expression dropped, her arms dangling from her sides as she looked back at me, intrigued and confused.

"I keep convincing myself that you're safer without me. That you can't get hurt. But it's not true. I need you, Katy. I need to be with you more than you know. I want to stop going to bed and hating myself so much for calling things off," I sighed, hating that I was confessing these feelings to her in the corridor of a hospital after she threatened to break the news of our split to my Mom - but I guess that was what I needed in order for me to get my shit together. I finally realised that I couldn't lose her, once and for all. But was it too late? I'd already royally fucked things up on a consistent basis.

"John... I..." She said awkwardly, probably not knowing what to say. I couldn't blame her, it wasn't as if she saw this coming considering my treatment of her this morning.

"I know it's sudden and you think it's a twelfth hour decision, but it's not. Can we please go somewhere and talk? I need to do it now or I never will. I know you probably hate me but I really... I've really made a big mistake. I need to tell you how I feel about you, even if you hate me. I need to let you know," I continued, my tone soft and begging as I pleaded with everything I had for her to give me some time to apologise, to get everything I needed to say off of my chest.

"I don't know, I... Um..." She said as she combed a hand through her hair, looking away as she bit her lip. She looked uncomfortable; and I hated that. It was the last thing I wanted her to feel around me, but she meant more to me than to truly let her go. I knew that I'd treated her awfully this morning in my irrational thoughts and self punishment, in wh in unfortunately I had lashed out at her. I hated how little self control I had around her, because she drove me crazy in all the right ways. If only she knew that's the reason you're so distant.

"Please, Katy. I'm desperate. I'll do anything to make it up to you I just... If I don't tell you now you'll never know how I truly feel about you. You don't have to say anything, just... Just please listen. Can you do that for me?" I begged, debating with myself whether to reach for one of her porcelain hands, biting my lip as I fought the thought and instead looked back at her with nothing but hope and self hatred of myself.

"John, your parents... My flight... I just, I don't have time," She sighed, her hair messy from the way she'd combed her fingers through it.

"We can make time. They'll understand... And I'll take you to your flight. Please Katy, I'm begging you," I continued, basically pleading on my hands and knees with everything I had. She was everything I had - and I had to show that to her. Too long she'd gone thinking I didn't care, when really, it was the fact I cared too much that pulled us apart in the first place.

"Okay... I guess so..."  She said almost silently as she tousled her hair in her fingertips, making her raven hair look gorgeous despite the mess of it.