Chapter Forty-Six: We Are In Repair

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KATY'S POV

"Hi," I smiled a little shyly as I walked over to John, who had been waiting at a private corner booth. I had to fight the urge to check him out, though he looked as handsome as ever today plaid in a pair of jeans and a simple white shirt, a pair of combat boots finishing off the look. I could smell the cologne from where I was standing, which only made me miss him that much more.

It felt awkward and strange already.

"Hi," He smiled back politely, not standing to pull out my chair in that gentlemanly way he always did, and I slumped my body into the opposite side of the booth as I rested my handbag down beside my leg. "You look beautiful."

"Thanks," I blushed, though I couldn't exactly believe his compliment, he was just a kind, polite human any given time of the day. "So, uh, how are you?"

The tension was immediately evident as I bit my lip, looking back at him shyly. God, this felt so fucking weird and unnatural for us to be acting this way. I just wanted to be us again...

"I'm great," He replied while clearing his throat, placing his elbows on the table as he looked back at me. "And yourself?"

I couldn't help but give him a raised eyebrow as I identified with the game he was playing, so I decided to play along too.

"I've never been better," I sighed back, fiddling with the pair of Ray Bans which rested atop of my head, placing my elbows on the table as I unconsciously mimicked John's body language. He looked back at me, giving me a strange look as he flicked through the cafe menu.

"Oh, really," John stated back as he gave me an amused look, which only made me glare back at him. This was already not going the way I had planned.

"What do you expect me to say, John? You know exactly how I feel," I sighed after a moment of silence, hating how desperate and clingy I sounded. But I didn't come here for fun and games - I came here to have a truthful talk with him. I couldn't lie; that wouldn't get me anywhere. I had to be determined if I wanted to drive answers out of him.

"Katy," He sighed, giving me a sympathetic look as I looked back at him, biting my lip before focusing my attention to my hands on my lap, fiddling with them as I started to nervously sweat a little.

"I really, really miss you John," I said quietly to him as I looked through his eyes, my own eyes watering as my voice cracked a little, though I definitely couldn't cry. I wouldn't allow myself to do that - that was a sign of weakness. I couldn't break down, not yet anyway. John looked back at me, guiltily, as the emotions were very much evident from my side. I just hoped he could understand that I was being truthful, that I was miserable without him.

"Katy..." He whispered back, looking more than guilty as I fought back tears with literally everything I had. I wish we could work this out easily; but it wasn't going to be. That was if we could ever work it out. I was doubtful - he just didn't seem to want to be with me anymore. I'd ruined everything... And lost everything, all at the same time.

"I'm being stupid. I know. Just... Ignore me. I'll be fine," I stated as I faked a laugh, something I always did when I was fighting back tears, and John knew that. "How's the studio going? And the record?"

I sat upright as I looked back at him, gnawing on my thumb as the tension only grew furthermore between us. To be honest, I just wanted to leave already. This was a huge, huge mistake. I don't know what I was thinking, that this would do us any good. It seemed that it was only hurting me that much more in my desperate search for answers.

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