milk and honey

lingering smells

lately i've been getting a second,
maybe two or if i'm lucky
three
phony, confusing, yet relieving seconds of familiar scents.
like the ones that remind you of childhood and faded memories that you keep locked away in your brain, for keepsake.
but they ache to get out,  even the good ones do too.
yet they're stuck in a chokehold or bubbling up my throat burning to spill,
i simply dismiss it with a laugh and a smirk
although im not as fearless as i seem
i hide away in the fogginess of the smoke
dreading to ever let it clear.
there's no steady path in my mind anymore, its all just jumbled pieces and worried letters.
i don't feel like me anymore.
i'm not sure i ever was this innocent angel
i pretended to be, maybe it was all an act.
maybe i'm the devil's child. maybe i've always known.
childhood scents send me back to a time when i  didn't know any better, when i hadn't met my evil side yet, ignorance is bliss.
but good is gone now, you took that from me when you left, you all have in some ways, and now im learning to be good again.

warning : dont read this, it makes no sense and its pointless, bYe