milk and honey

ana & mia

welcome back old friends.
want to drink coffee and smoke cigarettes?
coffee makes you fat ana says,
mia will take care of it later, she smiles.
ana whispers not so sweet words
into my ear
sometimes
he screams
and i cant get his words out of my head
mia suggests ive eaten far too much, off to the toilet we go.
ana doesnt like how i look.
mia lingers in my bad breath
and yellow teeth.
ana likes to give me bursts of energy just to
feel lethargic again.
when momma doesnt eat
and calls herself fat while pinching at nothing
in the mirror
its hard to want to stop
its also hard to want to keep going.
i wish i never picked up any of these dirty old habits
or these toxic friends.
cant i just rewind six years
and be 12 again?
id do anything
to go through the worst time of my life
so i thought
just to hold my own hand
and get me through this.
but instead im
sitting in the bathroom floor
tear stained cheeks
with too much on my mind
and the clock running out.