milk and honey

guilt

i'm constantly
in thought
about the way i did you wrong
some days i block it out but most days i spend thinking of my mistakes.
i've contemplated
writing you letters
but i don't want to be any more of a problem
for you
i feel like i don't deserve to miss you
but
mostly
i feel like i was a complete
screw up
because no one should have to go through
the mind games
i put you through
the physical toll,
that must've hurt the worst.
i'm guilty of so much
but mostly i wish
you never met me
because you're life would've been so
much better if i hadn't
of scarred you.
left you in pieces.
sorry isn't enough, and i feel like a jackass
so i keep it all bottled up.
but i feel like exploding right now
the pain i feel in my chest
is guilt
for being so fucking
horrible to you.
i deserve this pain, but you darling,
do not.
i wish
i could erase your memory
of me
i did you dirty
and i cant fix it
but i'm trying to fix myself.