Three months.
Three fucking months.
Michael felt like a ghost within himself. He couldn't deal with the fact that he slipped in and out of his own body like he was possessed. He was nothing, and then he was something. He didn't have any control over it. He hated it.
It was getting better, though. Dr Mathews helped him with that. With his memories. He couldn't remember anything before the time he was six. Things were getting there. He was going okay. He could remember some things. His Dad. His Mum. Film studios. Cameras flashing.
He was happy, though. He was happy with himself. He was almost proud at the fact that he was going so well.
But when Calum came in one day at lunchtime with Ashton and Luke in tow, he furrowed his eyebrows. They never came together, and they were all four hours early. Four hours. That couldn't just be a mistake.
They all sat down on the lounge next to Michael, who was wearing a blue bracelet.
"Hey, babe." The Maori said, hugging his side.
"Why are you guys here?"
"What, not happy to see us?" Ashton laughed, but you could see he was nervous. He'd grown his hair long again. Michael noted. It was like nothing had ever changed.
Dr Mathew sat in a couch opposite to them, her hands in her lap, that patient smile on her face again. "Michael, I invited them here to be with you for a reason." He'd gathered that, so he just nodded. "I invited someone else here, as well . . ." Calum's arm tightened around Michael as the door was being knocked on. "Here he is."
The door opened to reveal someone Michael had tried to block out for a very long time. He felt as though he was going to melt into his seat. He kept his guard up, though, his eyes watching his every move.
Michael felt like ripping his eyes and nose off when he noticed that he had the same ones as him. He almost cried, in fact. But he didn't. He wanted his father to think he was strong.
"Hello, Michael."
He took everything he thought back. This wasn't his father. A father doesn't get his son raped. It was okay for him to cry in front of the stranger.
"Why the fuck are you here?"
"To say sorry."
Michael stood up from his seat as he shouted. "You fucking idiot! You thought saying sorry was going to repair what I am, how I am? No. It will fucking never do that. I am three different personalities because of you! Three personalities made up of pills. I have nightmares every night, thanks to you. So don't come and fucking say sorry."
His father bit his lip, not knowing what to say to that. "I'm sorry for what I've made you become. I'm sorry for breaking you so much that your personalities split. I wasn't thinking about how much it would damage you."
"Of course you fucking weren't." Michael gritted his teeth, walking over to his father and gripping the collar of his shirt in rage. He threw him onto the floor. "You only thought of yourself!" he yelled and started to kick him, which caused the psychologist to get a needle ready to sedate him.
Ashton and Luke reacted first, pulling him back to the couch. Calum didn't stop him because that man deserved everything he got. Even if he was pretty sure the guy's nose was broken and it was pissing out with blood. Calum held his hand and kissed him on the cheek, telling him to calm down or he'd get sedated. His thumb brushed the back of his pale boyfriend's hand, kissing him on the cheek silently.
"Michael, you have to listen to him; without violence."
"He deserved it." The sentence left all of the boys' mouths and Dr Mathews couldn't exactly say she was surprised.
"Anything he's about to say will be stupid. He can't say we were in need of money – I was a freaking star. I had Dad, my cousins and Mum's funeral paid. He can't say he's sorry because if he was sorry he wouldn't make me do it. He can't say he was scared that I'd lose my job because there were already directors lining up to have me." Michael said, shaking in anger.
Michael got a bracelet out of his pocket, replacing the blue one with the black one as he got up and started to beat the shit out of his father again. Calum pulled him back, holding his hand tightly.
"No." he said, not wanting Michael to get sedated. "Listen to me. Look at me, Michael." Calum hated being stern with him, but that was the only way he could get his boyfriend to listen to him whenever he was enraged. Michael looked at him, his green eyes boring into Calum's brown ones. "Calm down. The more you hit him, the longer you stay in here."
The pale boy's eyes softened, his lips forming words he had said to him thousands of times over. "I love you."
"I love you too, but you need to calm down."
Michael nodded, his fingers lacing with his boyfriend's. He looked over to his father, nodding at him to continue. Mr Clifford raised his eyebrows at how whipped his son was. He'd never pictured Michael falling in love, or – more to the point – someone falling in love with Michael.
"I don't have any excuses for what I did. I know that it was wrong, and I had no reason for it other than I was afraid. I didn't know he was raping you until a month in. I just thought he was flirting and stuff, and I didn't think he'd take it that far. But he did, and I'm sorry for that."
Michael nodded, leaning back on the lounge. "Okay. Can you go now?"
He left shortly after.
As a reward for being good, Calum, Ashton and Luke stayed two hours in the doctor's room with Michael.
