Being a carter. (Eastenders)

Twenty

I look over to my cousin Harry standing there mouth slightly open and then to Mick.
My heart was racing so fast and loud that I swear Mick could hear it.
"What you doing here?" I ask him as I walk backwards letting Mick in the pub.

Just then Sam walks in.
Morning Ellie baby how's your noggin" he said all cheerfully.

"Hey Sam let's go for a smoke" Harry said grabbing sam's arm pulling him with him to walk.

"You quit dude" Sam said confused
"Well I've stated smoking again" I heard Harry say as they walk out the door.

"Well Mick what you doing here?" I asked him.
"Well I came to ask you the same thing"
He said walking further into the pub looking around then looking at me.

I just looked at him and didn't know what the hell to say so I just stared at him for a second.
"I take it my grandad told you I was here"  was the only thing I could think of to say.

"Elle I've been going out my mind, if you had just answered my calls"

"And said what huh? That hey I'm hear and I'm okay because I'm telling you Mick I'm not okay"
"Well at least I'd been able to sleep knowing you was safe"
I look at Mick and nodded my head knowing he was right.

"Okay I should of rung or answered your call, I'm sorry that was not right of me"
"Why did you leave" Mick said walking over and leaning on the bar I walk behind the bar and grab a bottle of vodka knowing I was going to need it and two glasses and go and sit at the table and look at Mick who was leaning on the bar back to me waiting for me to answer him.

"I dunno I needed space needed to clear my head, I tried to put on the perfect Ellie that can stand behind the bar with not a care in the world but the whole time I was crumbling piece by piece" I poured my self a vodka and knocked it back and poured myself another "I tried Mick I did but being at the vic having you all tip toe around me  and you wanting me to just rest up like a sick kid" Mick looks at me "I'm not sick Mick I lost our baby"

"Don't you think I don't know that Elle don't you think I'm not hurting to cause I am"

I look at Mick and I felt awful I felt selfish I felt like I put my feelings before his and it shouldn't just be about me or him it should be both of us.
"I'm sorry baby" I sighed as I start to cry Mick walks over and sits next to me at the table "I'm just not handling this very well, I'm just having a hard time understanding why this is happening to me or should I say us, I thought we was going to be happy and be a family, I know we are but with a kid of our own, I thought we had been blessed but JJ got stole from us"
Saying the baby's name made me an emotional wreck and Mick wraps his arms around me pulling me in to him and we sit there like that for a bit
"Please forgive me baby, I've been so selfish i put myself first and your hurting to"

"I've got nothing to forgive you for, none of this is your fault" Mick said kissing me on the head.

I knock back the vodka and I pour one for Mick and he looks at me
"Oh go on then why not" he said knocking it back and then another.

There then was a knock on the door and I look at my phone
"Shit it's past opening "I said getting up I pick up the glasses and put them behind the bar along with the vodka and look at Mick.

"It's okay I've got this" he said walking over and in locking the door.
"Welcome fellas" he said stepping aside letting them in

Mick and I work the bar for awhile when my granddad and nan show there face.
"Mick I thought that was your motor in the car park" my granddad said patting Mick on the back.

"When did you get here" my nan said kissing Mick on the cheek.

"Few hours ago" Mick said

"Where you both been?" I asked

"Cash and carry" sorry forgot to say my nan said.

"Oh Harry and Sam disappeared a hour ago and haven't been back" I said

"Yeah we know they rung" my granddad said with a sly grin.

"So you knew Mick was here then" I said arms crossed.

"Yeah they might of said something" my granddad said with a wink.

"Mick you staying for dinner?" my nan asked Mick.

"Depends what's on offer Kathy"

"Shepard's pie"

"Well how can a geezer turn that offer down" Mick said with a smile.

After dinner with Mick and my grandparents I disappeared outside and I sit and light a cigarette I take a puff and watch it burn in my hand for a second thinking, I knew that Mick would want me to leave with him and go back to the vic but was I ready?

"Here you are" Mick said as he walks over and sits in front of me at the table taking the cigarette from my hand and taking a puff from it and looks around the beer garden then to me.

"Yeah just wanted to take a quick breather" I said watching Mick take another puff of the cigarette then he hands it back to me and I put it straight to my lips.
"What's on your mind Elle" he said watching me take a big puff.

"I'm just thinking that your going to want to leave soon and you will want me to go back to the square with you"
"Well your right there because I need you back baby, we can get through this you know"
I look at Mick knowing that he was right I knew that the only way I was going to through it is with him by my side "also if we don't leave soon there won't be a pub to go back to with Shirley and Tina looking after it"

I look at him and I roll my eyes biting my tongue as I really wanted to go on a Shirley rant but I managed to keep it in
"Okay we better leave soon before our pub is in ashes" I said stepping up throwing the cigarette to the floor.

I say my goodbyes to my nan and grandad while Mick put my bags in the car and walks over to us
"You look after my princess" my grandad said shaking Mick's hand
"You know I will del"
"Drive safely" my nan said giving Mick a kiss and a hug.

We get in the car and Mick starts the car and we drive off on the way Mick tells me that Dean Shirley's son had turned up the night I left which has caused a bit of stir.

We pull up at the vic and it was getting on I get out the car and I look around the dark square and turn to Mick and see him with my bag in his hand
"You ready Elle?" He said walking up to me taking my hand in his.
"Yeah reckon so" I said looking up at the door seeing my name above the door along with Mick's and Shirley's which I was really not happy about
Mick squeezes my hand and pushes the door open and I walk in and bump into a guy with brown hair he looks down at me.
"Oh I'm sorry" I said looking at him
"No it was me I was in a rush to leave this dump" he said turning and looking to Shirley who was behind the bar.

"Hey how about I buy you a coffee to make it up to you" he suggested.

"I know the service might not be at its best as she's behind the bar but calling my place a dump" I spat.

"Oh you must be Ellie" Dean said with a smile "heard a lot about you"
"All good I hope" Mick said sneering over to Stan who was sitting in the corner at the end of the bar.
"Well Ellie I hope to see you around" Dean said as he walks past me.
"Yeah maybe" I said quietly as dean walks out the door.