Where We Stay

Chapter 3.4 - The Effect of Her Death

Chapter 3.4 - The Effect of Her Death

“NO!” I yelled but the image was already gone, we were sitting at a diner. Constantine was eating pancakes and bacon. He gave me a blank look, I felt tears on my face and I wiped it away.

“This just in, a girl named Glamour Browning committed suicide. Glamour isn’t the first one to commit suicide at her school, in  fact she is along with many recently. The number of suicides that occurred recently is very alarming. Her father Jameson Browning is devastated to hear the news. It is recently reported that Glamour’s mother, Patricia Browning, is in a comatose state due to a severe beating. The man responsible is in custody now after a two week search.” the TV reporter said, the waitress closed the TV since a lot of people were complaining about how depressing the news is early in the morning. It wasn’t a good way to start the day they said.

“What are we doing here?” I said quietly, trying to get rid of Glamour’s image in my head.

“You needed a break, I guess.” he shrugged.

“A break from what?! From myself?!” I sneered.

“Yes.” he said, looking at me dead in the eyes. I was taken aback by what he said and remained silent for a while. “Those were her medications, by the way.”

“Her medications? Why would she need medication?” I asked.

“She has an anxiety disorder.” he said, finishing his last bites. My eyebrows furrowed. He looked at me like a was a child that didn’t know how to tie her own shoes. “Oh come on, Morgan. There are more problems than bullying, so many more. You can't always assume when a person commits suicide the reason must be bullying. People who commit suicide, they're brave it takes a lot of courage to bring yourself pain to end your misery but they're also the stupidest." My eyes widened a bit as I listened to his words. "You want to know why I think so? Because there's so much more to life than a single moment of misery, but all they - we did was focus on the worst parts like nothing else matters.”

“Yeah, I know that but what’s an anxiety disorder?” I asked quietly, feeling a bit of an idiot for not knowing since he was staring at me like I was an idiot.

“‘Anxiety disorders are a group of mental disorders characterized by feelings of anxiety and fear, where anxiety is a worry about future events and fear is a reaction to current events. These feelings may cause physical symptoms, such as a racing heart and shakiness.’ or at least according to Wikipedia that is. You get so wrapped up about worrying that well it becomes a habit, you worry what people think of you, what they’ll say about you, those pills that she took were anti-depressants. It only got worse when you died, cause you had to make a show of their names on the wall.” he said, giving me a look. I glared at him, setting my jaw.

“I wanted them to regret what they did to me.” I said through gritted teeth.

“They did. They did regret it.” he said. “You trapped yourself in a cage, the key was always with you and you could have freed yourself any time, for her the key was always on the outside the cage. So why bother cage yourself when you’re practically free to go?”

"I am not free Constantine, I lived a pathetic life."

"That's what you think, you wasted your life moping around and telling yourself that you are worthless that you have no right to live anymore." his voice was growing louder and louder. "Your life was not pathetic, but you were."

My eyes met his, he was looking at me with a serious expression. A look that shook even the deepest parts of my heart. Tears welled up in my eyes and I did nothing to stop them from falling.

“They regretted what they did, how about you?” he asked, standing up and walking out of the diner.

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