Where We Stay

Chapter 3.5 - Constantine's Words

Chapter 3.5 - Constantine's Words

We were at her funeral, people were crying over her. She was a bitch why are people crying over her?

“This is a funeral, the least you could do is grieve along with the rest of the people.” he muttered, seeing my expression. I shook my head, I have mixed feelings now. Hatred flashed through me, then anger, then resentment and finally regret.

Regret?

Did I regret anything…?

No! Of course no! She deserved to suffer just like I did!

“You do realize that I could read your thoughts right?” Constantine interjected, I stopped thinking altogether and tried to focus on the fallen leaves by my foot. “Why are you so mad at her? She didn’t hurt you physically, she only said words.”

"Words hurt too! They don't seem grasp that concept! I would take a beating any day for them to just shut up and leave me alone!" I yelled, how could he even say that? Words leave you scarred for years, when wounds already closed up until no one else can see it but it’s still fresh underneath that nobody will pay attention to it because you look fine on the outside, that you never took offense in those words that they said. They’re wrong.

"But those words have no meaning unless you give them meaning."

"That's the thing, everyone forces you to give it meaning. I hate society! Look at what it does to people, they insult you and when you kill yourself they that they cared all along!"

"Because they do care."

"Then why didn't they show it in the first place, huh?"

"Caring is a weakness to them! If they associated with a person not within their league or clique they will immediately get shunned; and what's the most important thing in high school? Popularity, who rules and who drools. Simple as that.

"That is what high school is about Morgan, I wouldn’t even call those things humans anymore. Humans have compassion, not just vanity. It is utterly inhumane of anyone to treat another like what you've been through. Believe me I know how you feel, I've been through what you're going through.

"You can never change who they are, it's not in human nature to just change because everybody else told you to. You have to be willing to change, and if you can't change them, you change yourself. Change yourself into a person who is far better person than any of them will be."

"Why are you telling me this? Isn't a bit too late for you to be telling me this?"

"I am here to show you the important things, to make you realize what could have been. This is me telling that you are as every bit as capable as they are, but you didn't see that. Instead you did something very stupid."

"Are you saying suicide is stupid?"

"Yes! It is stupid! Nobody should even be punished and burdened with killing themselves. Suicidial people are brave to inflict pain physically on themselves to get rid of the emotional pain that they're enduring but they are also stupid.

"You could have done something with your life, Morgan. You could have traveled, meet other people, far better people than those you have encountered. There are good people too, don't let those bastards stain your view on humanity. Because there are other people like you, struggling the way you do and if you hadn't killed yourself you could have met them and you could have given each other strength to get through it. There are things that you can't handle alone, and this is one of them.

"You could have gone to college for Pete's sakes. I'm not saying that people won't judge you there, they probably will but you can't keep running into your precious bathroom, slashing away every single time anyone does or says something that you don't like.

"Newsflash, life doesn't end in high school. So what if you weren't popular during those times? Nobody would care, it would be irrelevant, especially if your queen bee ended up as a cashier at McDonalds’ since she couldn't get through college cause she didn't really pay any attention to any of the classes that she went to.

"In a reunion, all that will matter is the fact that you have a house of your own with a car and a beautiful family that you love and cherish, and that you will do anything to protect them from the ugliness of this world. You could have been successful, you could have been strong enough to shove in front of their pretty little faces who has a decent job and who is the one serving them food at a restaurant.

"That is a better feeling than rotting away in a casket, people grieving over you, people dying because of you. Sure they would cry over you for a week, a month even, or probably a year if you were that important to them. But you know what? They're just gonna forget about you, because they have lives to take care of, they have people that are important them, and they treasure them. You are going to rot away in your own misery, and it could have been you with a family that loves you. You will be remembered as the girl who committed suicide, not even strong enough to tell everyone to stop."

I must have looked like I had been slapped because his expression softened. “Come on.”

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