Where We Stay

Chapter 4.4 - The Effect of His Death

Chapter 4.4 - The Effect of His Death

I heard a loud crash coming from inside Lio’s room. I pushed open the door, unsure of what lies on the other side of the door. I found him curled in a ball, his eyes were bloodshot, and he was staring wide eyed at the trunk.

“No, no… Morgan please come back… I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” he cried out, tearing up. Then his face turned into a sneer and he narrowed his eyes at the trunk.

“You wanted her to suffer didn’t you?! She called you a freak! What kind of friend calls you a freak?!” he sneered then he shook his head.

“What kind of friend kidnaps and tortures?!” he screamed, he pulled at his hair and cried out in frustration. He stood up, going up to his shelves and took each of the items out, smashing it to the ground. “NO! WHY?! WHY MUST YOU DIE?!”

He fell back to the ground and cradled himself again. “You wanted her to die, she called you a freak, you thought she accepted you!” he muttered.

“I NEVER WANTED HER TO DIE!” he yelled.

“You wanted her to feel your pain, you wanted her to stay your friend didn’t you, if you hadn’t let her leave on that day she would have stayed alive!”

“No, no, stop! Shut up! That’s not true! Get out of my head! LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE! I never wanted her to suffer…” his voice broke. 

“What’s happening to me?” he sobbed. He staggered to his feet, and moved towards a door. It seemed like the bathroom. I walked inside, my heart felt like it was being torn to shreds just staring at him.

“You did this to her.” he whispered. “You killed her.” He stared at his reflection and he made a frustrated noise. He punched it with his fist, over and over again. He ran his bloody fist through his hair.

“I didn’t kill her, please, I didn’t kill her!”

“YOU HAVE NO RIGHT TO FEEL GUILTY YOU PIECE OF SHIT! YOU KILLED HER!”

“NO! I DIDN’T! SHUT UP! I just wanted a person to understand because even I can’t understand myself! PLEASE LEAVE ME ALONE! SHUT UP!” he yelled, staring at his reflection at the now broken glass.

“I just want to die.” he sobbed. “I just want to die.”

For a moment he just had his head in his hands, crying before he looked up again and his eyes filled with determination. “No, I don’t want to die. I need to die.” he concluded, he stared at his reflection again and hurried out the door.

“NO!” I yelled, tears streaming down my face, chasing after him.

He went to the trunk, flipped it open, and found a rope there. He made a noose, and he flung the other end at the barracks in his room. “NO LIO STOP!” I screamed, trying to stop him but my hand just slipped through him.

He stared at the noose for a moment. “I need to die. My mom would be happier if I just died, those people that I tormented would be relieved if I just died, and Morgan… she won’t be so happy to see me in Hell, but Hell is more than I what I deserve. Looks like I’ll be seeing you sooner than I expected.” he whispered, before putting the noose on. He stepped on the trunk and held his eyes shut.

“NO PLEASE LIO LISTEN TO ME STOP!” I yelled before he jumped. “NO!” I lunged for him but held back, you could see him struggling for air and his feet twitching. Arms held me close as I sobbed like a child and everything changed. Constantine released me and I fell on my hands and knees, bawling my eyes out.

“Lio…” I sobbed.

“He was at war with himself.” Constantine whispered, sitting down beside me. I leaned back to sit, I pulled my knees close and hugged it tight.

“HOW CAN ANYONE SUFFER LIKE THAT?!” I yelled to no on in particular, I was mad, I was mad at the world for creating disorders, I was mad at myself for calling him a freak, I should haven’t have said those words. I was mad at him for killing himself, that he shouldn’t have the audacity to find refuge in death after what he did to me. I was just so confused and frustrated and sad at the same time. It was so unfair.

“If I asked you, if you can forgive him, what would your answer be?” Constantine asked, his voice soft.

I shook my head as emotions bombarded me, I couldn’t seem to stop myself from crying, not after what I just saw. “I don’t know.” I whispered.

“You don’t know? After what you saw, you still don’t know?” he said, appalled.

“I. DON’T. KNOW.” I repeated through gritted teeth. I looked at him, searching his eyes for anything that he might retort back but his expression softened, not the usual scowl but a sympathetic one.

“Very well.” he whispered, he took my hand and we fell.

00:17:32

A/N: okay so I cried when I was writing this, did you too?