Day after Day

Chapter 19: Epilogue

It's a very hot night. My skin is sticking with sweat and my naked body is radiating heat to every direction. The mattress underneath me is wet from my sweat and the weight of the person sleeping next to me, for once, is oddly unpleasant. I try to move but my weight is uncontrollable the last three months. I look next to me, to the naked man, snoring lightly besides me. I ran my hand down his blond locks. His eyes flutter open.

"Did I wake you up?" Peeta asks hoarsely, his voice still filled with sleep.

"No. I just can't sleep" I answer trying to stretch out as it's the only kind of movement I can do without waking up the person growing inside me.

"Yeah, it's too hot" he says turning on his back, "Sae says that it's hottest summer she ever experienced" he adds as he whips the sweat off his forehead with his wrist.

"Sae almost killed me today" I say rubbing the side of my stomach and Peeta chuckles, "She started yelling at me that it's too hot for me to be out and about" I add smiling slightly to myself as I recall my earlier encounter with the older woman. She had started yelling at me how it is not healthy for a nine month pregnant woman to be walking out in such heat. I told her and Peeta and everyone that told me the exact same thing, that I was in fact, fine with walking, but as soon as I reached the hob I regretted it. I, of course, said nothing; I do not like people telling me what to do, let out actually admitting they were right.

"You know she was right. I told you that you would be exhausted" Peeta says sitting up trying to reach for the dumb cloth. He places it over my stomach, "Better?" he asks smiling widely but not letting his eyes to move away from my stomach. He leans down and plants a kiss to my stomach.

"Can you help me up?" I ask reaching for him. He looks at me puzzled so I point to the empty glass of water next to my night stand. He shakes his head and insists on going. I watch his naked form disappear from the doorway and I hear his loud footsteps down the corridor and downstairs.

I smile to myself and close my eyes. The only thing that is audible is the annoying sound of the fan, moving above me, and the clock ticking on the wall. I try to savor the quiet moments of the night, bracing myself for when the tiny person inside with me will be here. Everyone keeps telling me to enjoy the few silent moments as they will not be coming back.

I recall moments in my memory; moments that I do not want to forget; moments that have past; good moments.

Peeta's proposal;

Our wedding;

Delly's pregnancies;

And then an odd memory comes to me. Peeta is in the kitchen; we have no even been married for a year when he firstly asks. There is a tiny hesitation and he tries to make it extra special, I can tell.

"What do you think about... babies?" he asks.

I freeze and my reaction is instant. I ran away and into the woods. I do not want to hear about kids. I do not want to see any more kids get hurt and most of all, not my kids. However, does not seem to understand that he asking me every day about kids is the reason of my nightmares at night and my misery during day time.

I keep it inside knowing that it will hurt him to know that he is hurting me but when the second month comes by I break down. I start yelling at him about nonsense and when I see the darkness in his eyes, the apology filing his face, I start sobbing. I apologize over and over and over again.

"I am sorry. I can't give you kids" I finally admit after he holds me close. He seems surprised and a bit hurt but he holds me close and kisses me and tells me everything will be alright.