I Know Places / b.s.

Seize

Listen to:
Love In The Dark - Adele
-

I took a deep breath, reaching my hand out to feel an empty space beside me. My eyes felt so heavy but I opened them, sitting up quickly when I saw that there was no one beside me. I looked around my room, rubbing my head and trying to remember last night. I remembered my words to Brad just before he fell asleep, but I also remember watching him for hours.

Quickly, I get off the bed and see that his clothes and shoes are missing from their usual messy pile beside my bed. My heart is beating too quickly in my chest as realization washes over me. Anger takes over first and I rip off his sweatshirt because it's warm and it smells like him.

My breathing is so uneven as I throw on a long t-shirt but I'm quick to grab the bedsheets, ripping them off he bed that we had left traces all over. I'm huffing loudly and I whimper as I throw the sheets into a pile on the side of the bed.

After pulling on a pair of pajama shorts I take my time walking down the steps. Maybe I'm overreacting and maybe he's downstairs making food but the house is silent.

In the kitchen, Beth is sitting at the kitchen island drinking a cup of coffee. Her eyes skim over a newspaper but they look up to meet mine and I feel like I might faint. Even she sees it. The color and warmth is draining so quickly from my body.

"Olivia-"

"I'm going to go for a run, I think."

"Liv, what's wrong? What happened?" Beth urged. She saw it. How could she not fucking see it? I'm broken and someone may as well write it on my fucking forehead.

My bottom lip quivers and here I am falling apart at twenty years old. I am so sad yet so angry because I confessed my love last night but he feels the need to leave.

I turn on my heels and walk back up the steps. Beth called out my name multiple times but I can't breathe - I'm suffocating and no matter how hard I try to breathe I can't. I'm either dying or this is what heart break feels like. Only one I had experience before and to be honest, I bet heart break felt a lot like dying.

I sat on the edge of my bed, suddenly bursting into tears and sobbing into my hands. Brad and I were a million miles apart, falling in love with the thought of loving each other. All this time I thought that he was going to be the one to save me from my misery when all he did was distract me from saving myself.

-

With every move I make, my body aches and I feel this heartbreak in every ounce of my body. Three days of barley eating and little to no sleep was starting to catch up to me. I'm letting something I knew would ruin me, destroy me.

Beth is knocking on the bathroom door for the third time. I keep losing track of time as the hot water and steam engulf me. I'm sitting on the floor in the shower, letting the water fall over me.

"Liv, you've been in there for a half hour! I have to pay the water bill, you know!"

My knees wobble as I rise from the ground and shut off the shower water. I open the shower curtain and wrap a towel around my body. Now I sit on the toilet seat, huffing loudly to release some tension in my chest but it fails.

As the steam breaks up and the bathroom mirror is visible again, I glanced at myself in the mirror. My reflection proves that I'm not well; dark circles sit under my eyes and my skin is lacking any color, most likely from me not going outside in three days or my lack of an appetite. I officially hate myself.

Brad

Three days and I realize that I made a mistake but it's too late to take it back. I've been in my room for majority of these 72 hours, but it's mostly since I'm trying to avoid Jeremy and Kira because I know they know.

I wonder what Olivia is doing at this exact moment, but I figure she's a mess. She put all of herself into me and I walked out of her life with no goodbye. I feel disgusting.

Downstairs in the kitchen Kira is emptying the dishwasher. She glances up at me but doesn't say anything. Jeremy walks in and he gives me a harsh look, shaking his head. Now I really want to go home.

"Don't look at me like that," I snapped at him.

"Why not?" Jeremy snapped back, "you did the one fucking thing I told you not to do, Brad! I told you to stay away-"

"How was I supposed to stay away! I love her you idiot! It's not that fucking easy," I roared.

Jeremy scoffs. "What exactly is love to you? Love isn't leaving her and not explaining yourself, that is absolutely pathetic! If you really love her then go fix this."

"No," I surprise myself. "I'm not going to talk to her because whatever we had is over. Maybe I don't love her then after all. We both knew it wasn't going to last but we kept on because we didn't care about each other's emotions, I got what I wanted-"

Kira stopped Jeremy from taking another step forward. She glared at him then back at me. "If you two are going to fight, then do it outside -not in my fucking house."

"You were doing so well, Brad," Jeremy hissed.

"Right," I rolled my eyes, "whatever that means. I never wanted to come here in the first place. Just stay out of my way and I'll stay out of yours."

The front door opened and I heard three voices I knew way too well. My heart dropped into my stomach when I saw Kira and Jeremy exchange looks.

"Surprise," Kira's voice shook. "We thought flying your friends out would be a way to say thanks for helping us around the house and not causing trouble. Honestly, I think you let go of your last chance of happiness - but it's your life, not ours. Enjoy your friends."

Jeremy went to comfort Kira but she slapped his hand away. I knew I fucked up even more but it was too late. Tristan, Connor and James were standing in front of me with wide smiles.

Connor patted my shoulder. "Mate, you look like you're about to vomit. So much for a warm welcome."

"No, it's really good to see you guys but I have to go do something really quickly-"

"No," James and Connor said at the same time. "You're going to spend time with your friends because you abandoned us nearly four months ago to come to the middle of nowhere, New York."

"What? I didn't come here by choice-"

James cut me off. "Yeah, whatever. Jeremy told us the basement is rigged with game systems. I call first player!"

James and Connor rushed downstairs while I stood in the kitchen almost dumbfounded. Tristan stared at me but I walked over to the back screen door, looking out at the lake for a familiar figure but the pier was empty for the third day in a row.

"Come on, mate," Tristan said, "you're about to get your ass kicked in Call of Duty."

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