I Know Places / b.s.

Epilogue

Listen to: Hollow (Top of the Tower) - Tori Kelly. This is the live, acoustic version on YouTube. It's so good. x

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Brown eyes. They stare right back into mine in a haunting way. I see them in my dreams and worse I see them when I'm drifting off into deep thoughts, totally out of control until it gets so much worse - I hear his voice. For so long I wondered if it was possible to completely forget someone. Would it have been easier if I believed he meant nothing to me? The space between us is much more than a few feet, him in the spot he stood when he knocked on my door.

"Olivia."

"Brad."

Brad pokes his tongue out a little, wetting his pouty lips that I craved almost every day. He shoved his hands into his pockets and takes a deep breath, finally breaking eye contact as he looks down at his feet shyly.

"How?" I managed to get that out.

He nervously scratched the back of his neck as his eyes met mine again. A sigh left his lips for the second time.

"Kira asked Beth," he admitted. "The truth is that I thought a while I could just forget you. I figured you'd disappear from my head and I'd be able to sleep at night... maybe I'd be able to forgive myself."

"Okay," I dragged out. "So you're here now-"

"I'm here now because I love you, Olivia. I love you so much that I can't sleep. I can't focus on anything because I can't forgive myself for breaking your heart. These last six months I tried to go back to who I was before I met you, but I couldn't - you changed me," he pleaded.

I stared at him, my jaw clenched shut for the fear of admitting something so similar to him. Brad took a step towards me, but just as quickly as he moved, I moved back.

"I don't know what you want," I breathed. "As much as I want to blame you, I have to blame myself. I let us get too far-"

Brad put his hand on the doorframe, standing closer to me than I realized; practically leaning against the frame. He huffed, cutting me off.

"I want you," he begged, "more than I've ever wanted anything in my life. Olivia, I need you, baby."

My throat felt raw at his confession. Even my head was having a hard time resonating his words because it just seemed so unreal.

"Don't you think you could have realized this before you left me? Before you made me feel like complete trash-"

He interjected, "I didn't want to make you feel that way. I left because I was scared that what we had was going to crumble to our feet and look, it did anyway. I never wanted to hurt you."

"Well you did," I laughed sadly. "I'm trying to figure my life out for myself."

"I know that," he stated, "how are you?"

I shook my head as tears blur my vision. As I look down, Brad takes a step towards me, lifting my chin with one finger.

"I'm better," I admitted. "Less concerned about us, actually. I figured I'd never see you again."

Brad's thumb brushed across my cheek as if wiping away a tear. I swallow hard and step out of his reach. Like I said before, the distance between us is more than physical. How am I ever supposed to trust him again? How do I still love someone who tore my already broken heart out and crushed it even more?

"What are you actually doing here?" I asked. "What's your plan?"

He chuckled a bit. "I came out on a whim. I told my sister everything and she thought I was insane for letting you go. Even told the guys - they practically dragged me to the airport, but I couldn't gain the courage to come until now. All I kept thinking was that you deserve to be happy and I will never be that happiness-"