I Need U // Park Jimin

CHAPTER 21: Grieving

-Melody's POV-
Today is Katrina's funeral. I don't know if I can even go. Guilt has already engulfed me, controlling my thoughts.
Constantly my mind flits to that awful moment yesterday, when I broke down in front of dad.

--Flashback--
I dramatically dropped to the floor. Crying helplessly.
"It's all my fault, dad," my hands clutching the carpet. The lump in my throat is so swollen I was amazed I could still breathe.

Dad's eyes were glittering with tears. He squeezed my shoulder, to give me comfort.
"No, it's not. You're just being hard on yourself. Melody, it's her own fault. You didn't hurt her for nothing did you?" Dad sat me down on the couch and ran his warm fingers through my hair.
I was too bewildered to speak, so I just pursed my lips.

--End of flashback--

I looked in the mirror - I don't know why - Maybe to wake myself up. To tell myself that I'm in reality, not in a dream. To Katrina's funeral, I have to wear mum's black clothes she wore for when her friend's sister died.

For a second, I was too stunned to move. I didn't go to mum's funeral. I was too scared, and dad knew it so he didn't speak of it. It was just him and Danielle, and my other relatives.
It's like I betrayed mum - But I just didn't want to see her in a coffin - I didn't want to face it. Any of it. So today is going to be difficult.

I approach mum and dad's wardrobe and open it. I run my hands along the racks, until I feel the silky material I recognized. I squeeze my eyes for a moment, and memorize the day Mum went to her friend's funeral. I was five, and she looked beautiful in the outfit. I remember touching her silky cardigan, as she pulled me into a hug.

I pulled the clothes off the hanger, and hugged it. It still smelt like mum's perfume. Instantly, it made me feel safe and protected.
I carefully examined it from top to bottom. The outfit is plain, yet elegant. It was a black sleeveless dress that fits tight on your body, with a belt hugging the waist. The cardigan was made of velvet, just covering the shoulders like a cape.

There was a hat too ; a small sun hat, with embroidery and a black flower on it. 11:00 was on my watch - The funeral starts at 3:00. I walk into the bathroom to have a shower, then wear the outfit.

My pace slows down, as I stop in front of the mirror. I look like mum - Long, wavy brown hair ; Big, brown eyes full of compassion ; thin face ; and skin caramel - coloured. I smiled, as I trailed my fingers down my dress. It fits so perfectly. I gazed at my reflection, and let out a big sigh. I'm going to be brave, for Katrina.

I bite my lip, trying to hold back the bitter memories of the day when she died. I hold my head high, and breathe.

-1:00pm :

Dad and Danielle were waiting for me downstairs, sitting on the sofa. As soon as they saw me, they stood up. Danielle's mouth gaped open.
"You look amazing, Melody!" Her eyes were widened.
I smiled shyly.
"Thank you," I replied.
"Are you ready?" Dad saunters towards the door, opening it with the key.
"Yes," I said collectedly. Me and Danielle followed him up to our car. It's a black BMW, mum chose it. The road which it was parked on was long. It was like a trail, leading almost into nowhere. We stooped into the car, and slammed the door beside us. Dad and Danielle weren't attending the funeral, but of course, they wanted to support me. Otherwise, I would've gone on a train by myself.

I have a phobia of dead things. If I were to look inside the coffin, I would faint or have a panic attack and run away. But today, I hope this won't happen, because I owe Katrina.

The journey was an hour long. I felt completely restless, and all I could do was anticipate what was to come. Danielle broke the awkwardness.
"Melody, will you be ok?"
"Yea, don't worry." I reassured her.
However I know deep inside I'm not going to be okay. I know it.