diamonds | river phoenix

eight

Joaquin offered to drive me to the airport later that day, River tagging along to say his goodbyes.

"I'll wait here and let you two lovebirds sort things out." He said, pulling into a carpark. The ride had been long and awkward, no one said a word for the whole hours drive.

River wasn't being his usual, happy self. The whole time he stared out of the window and fiddled with the air vents. This just made me feel worse.

"Thanks Joaquin, I'll miss you." I said as I struggled to get my suitcase out of the car. Without looking at me, River helped dislodge the suitcase and put it on the ground.

"Thanks." I said gratefully. He muttered a response.

We walked in to the airport, this time not so crowded. A few hundred people lingered in the bag check area and that was about it. It didn't take long to drop my bags off and head into the main part of the airport.

"Are you mad at me?" I asked River as we walked past the infinite amount of shops that loitered in the hallways of the airport.

"No." He said, still looking at the ground, kicking his feet together. I knew he was mad at me, even if he didn't admit it. I would be too if someone did something like this to me.

I stopped in front of a pharmacy. I grabbed River's arm so he would stop too. I put my hand under his chin, lifting his heavy head up so he was forced to look at me.

"Look," I said softly.
"You have every right to be mad at me. I've done something awful that you don't deserve and I'm sorry."

His eyes were getting watery, he looked off to the side, attempting to hold back tears. He was trying to hide his emotions from me, so I wouldn't know how much I had really hurt him. I held his hands and squeezed them to reassure him that everything will be okay. He opened his mouth and closed it again, as if he was going to speak but changed his mind. He looked down again, hesitating. I could tell that he desperately wanted to speak, but he just couldn't process the right words. We stood there in silence for a minute or so before he looked up.

"I just don't want to lose you again." He whimpered. Just then was when I felt like the worst human being alive. I threw my arms around his neck, stroking his hair. His warm, damp cheek pressed against mine. He was so fragile and innocent, I knew I wouldn't ever be able to forgive myself for doing this.

"Flight 307 to Toronto is now boarding. Please make your way towards gate 23." A person said over the loudspeaker.

"I guess that's my call." I announced. River pulled away.

"I'll walk you to the gate." He said. River took my hand and tangled his fingers in mine. Neither of us said anything till we got to the gate.

When we got there, he turned and put his hands on my shoulders.

"Promise," He said.
"You'll never forget me." I was fighting back tears, but at the same time, I couldn't help but smile. That was the same thing he said to me all those years ago when I moved away from California.

"I promise." I replied. He smiled and hugged me one last time.

"I have to go." I said quietly. He slowly released his grip and nodded,

"Okay." He mouthed. I sighed and turned to walk away. He put his hand on my shoulder, forcing me to turn back around.

"I love you." He reminded. My stomach churned.

"I love you too." I replied. He leaned over and gave me a soft kiss on the lips. I turned around and disappeared onto the runway and into the plane before he could say anything.