diamonds | river phoenix

twenty seven

We entered the house. I felt a ball of guilt in my stomach, and I wasn't sure why. I mean, this was my house, wasn't it?

I fumbled awkwardly for the light switch, until I managed to find it and switch it on. My eyes hurt for a second, the light was bright and blinding.

"Anything different?" River asked, smoothing his hair back.

I looked around, carefully studying every detail. The candles on the shelf over the tv were still in place, the cushions remained at their usual spots, scattered over the couch. I couldn't find anything different, as if Kate had left too.

"Everything's still the same." I said to Riv. I shook my head. This didn't seem right.

"Maybe she left too. Maybe she went after you." River suggested. I shrugged.

"But she knew I was with you. She wouldn't come after me if she hated you, would she?"

"Good point." River said.

We walked up the stairs and into her bedroom. Her bed was made, her room being spotless. I felt dizzy again. What was going on?

"I don't understand." River said, slowly shaking his head.

I sighed, then breathed heavily out of my nose and replied,

"Neither do I."

"I mean," I added.

"she could just be out, but that wouldn't explain why the house is in the same position as it was when we left it."

"Yeah, I guess." River said. He walked out of the room and into mine. I followed him.

Everything was the same too. The wedding invite was still on my desk where I left it, and my bed was messy.

"Nope! Still messy. Definitely the same!" River joked. I punched him playfully in the arm, and he gently bumped me over with his hip, causing me to fall on my bed. He flopped down next to me and laughed.

He put his arms around me and I buried my head in his chest. I could feel his heart beating in my ear. Suddenly I began to feel sad and frustrated and angry all at once. Soft, salty tears started forming in my eyes, and slowly started falling down my face. They were quickly soaked up by River's shirt. I sat up, River following my action.

"What's wrong?" He asked. He bit his lip nervously. I looked at him. His skin was soft and glowing, and his hair as luscious as always. He gave a quirky smile and a thumbs up. I laughed. I knew he could tell that I was mad. I was mad at Kate, mad at myself, and just mad at the world in general.

"Nothing, but everything, you know?" I said. He nodded.

"Yeah, I get it."

River and I stayed in the house that night. And the next. And the next one. We had been waiting for Kate to return, and she never did. I had been racking my mind for an answer as to where she had gone, when the phone rang.