Can I Not?

Midnight Rambles of an Almost Sixteen Year-Old (2015 Review)

I'm bored out of my mind and I thought this would pay off for my large inactivity throughout last month...

Oh yeah, about the title... Just could really think of anything creative, its midnight and yesterday (January 2nd) marked the day my birthday would be coming in three months, so... that's pretty much it...

And the media kinda is just there for laughs. I thought it was funny even if it hurt my internally just a bit. Heheh... ahh I'm acting so awkward in this...

LSF did a thing where we had to say some of the things that we were proud about over the year of 2015, and I kinda just wanted to review the year as a whole.

(Naomi you took down your not so important updates book I needed it ;-;)

Anyway... the beginning of 2015 was a rough start, but had good intentions. I know I had a hard time by the end with my grandfather passing in September of 2014, and we were numb during the holidays. Before the new year, I hit my one year anniversary with Frost, which a really nice day. By later January, I got to see him for the first time, and it was a really great way to start a year.

February was a mix of good and bad, but it ended with good... I still have close memories that I'm smiling about how as I'm on the brink of tears just thinking about it and typing... Ahhh... I'm sorry, I've been an emotional basket case since Tuesday... moving on before I already start crying...

I can't remember much in March... April was nice... I did a giant chapter in my second book before I deleted it, 15 reasons why I was happy... that was a really, really good day on my birthday... A lot of you guys sent me birthday wishes, and it was amazing. Truly touched my heart... April also signified the month that I met one of my really close Internet friends, and she's been with my through thick and thin this year...

May, I can't remember much... I did have a rough time during the month, and it just went all the way to August, I think... Maybe September... but, it was just a fluke, all in the past.

June, July, and the start of August. I did a shiiiiit ton of gaming, anime watching, writing, and drawing. I started up my manga, tried my hand at contests, and did all I could.

August. The start of my sophomore year was kinda hard. I kept my two best friends, thankfully, but I've made many more (by many, I mean... *counts fingers* ... Five or eight... can't think correctly... but I've made a lot.). Sophomore year is hard, honestly. I'll go into this more later, but man... how have I survived so far.

September was a really really hard month for my family. The 22nd signified a whole year without my grandfather. Ties were breaking in my family during this time, and it got harder as the year ended.

October was a breeze... I acted like a giant meme the whole month and just was happier. I got to help decorate a house for Halloween for the first time, which was amazing.

November and December weren't much different. It just didn't feel like he holidays. Last Sunday marked my two year anniversary with Frost, and we've been having a blast since Christmas.

2015 all in all had its ups and downs. It was the first year I didn't truly have my grandfather.
It was the second worse year of my depression, where I was constantly on and off for a long period of time, contemplating cutting and even harmed myself a little. I'm not returning to the mindset of suicide, and since I had the minute of harming, I haven't done it since.
It was a year of falling for façades of false people, and learning the hard way.
I recently learned that I truly live in fear.
It was a year that I embraced my "nerdy" self. I cosplayed for the first time, I gamed more than I had in years. I entered so many more fandoms, and watched new animes and have cried way too much in one year.
I found out I'm looked up to, something I didn't think would happen if I didn't go famous. I found out I saved a life at least five times now.
I entered a new social media and just adore it.
I've gone a bit deeper into the Internet, still holding onto my innocence though...
I drew and drew more this year, transferring from copy paper to sketchbooks, and finishing my first sketchbook in 10 months. (Not very impressive, but for me, it is.)
I've met so many more new friends. New experiences came this year.
I've been genuinely happy this last part of the year. And I hadn't been happy since very early 2010.

2016 has so much to offer.
I'm almost halfway done with high school.
I have my first high school test in March (not looking forward to it...).
I finally have my eyes set on an amazing career that is truly all the aspects I want to do. Art, helping kids, and learning more about humans itself, I want to be an Art Therapist.
In July, I have the amazing opportunity to be on a nine day trip to London and Paris, where I'll be learning about some of the history and just exploring. I'm even getting the chance to stay an extended 2-3 weeks, due to my family living out there.
There's chances for things to happen with my relationship with Frost, and just in general with all relationships with my friends.

All in all, I just want this year to be a great one about truly learning about the world and more about myself. I won't stray away from who I am, because let's face it; I'm emotionally unstable person/fangirl and care about academics more than I should. But with the opportunities in front of me, I want to learn more about cultures, the world, what I can do... I want this year to be about discovering. Getting over my fears, trying to shape who I am... all of that.

With this already over a thousand words, I'm just going to go ahead and list peers that made my year better. This is in no particular order. Some might not even see, but that's okay.

Naomi
Baki
E
Frost
Chris
Imani
Matt
AR
Charles
Savannah
Annad
Shinju
Juice
Lol-chan
-
Sebastian
Alexia
Katie
Anthony
Kyle
Alexis
Filo
Cici
Kat
Robyn
Kristen
Lily
Max
Anyone I cannot literally think of at the moment. Even if you said a word to me once, or never. Even if you followed, voted, read, anything.

Thank you for everything. I can't wait to see where this year will go.

My Wattpad 2016 goals are;
- Finish Bruises and Tears, The Worst Pokémon Fanfiction Ever, and Never Look Back.
- Enter and don't withdraw from PWA this year.
- Try again for the Anime Watty Awards again with Bruises and Tears.
- At least try and be and 500 followed first before thinking bigger.
- Get to at least artbook 3 or 4 by the end of the year.
- Publish Ten No Ue Kara!.
- Interact more with my followers.

That's pretty much it for this entry... sorry for it being long... see you in the next one, a Request Contest might be around the corner~