the photographer [c.h.]

twenty

I slowly opened my eyes and sighed to myself, seeing that it was only four in the morning. I can never get a full night. I sat up in bed and frowned, hearing a snore from the living room. After remembering that Calum came to my apartment last night, I ran a hand through my hair. I got up from bed and went to the bathroom, turning on the shower.

I climbed in and let the hot water fall around me, wetting my hair to my back. I washed my hair and suddenly a feeling of vertigo hit me as I opened my eyes. I braced myself against the shower wall and took deep breaths. After a moment, the feeling left so I finished my shower quickly, getting out soon after.

I wrapped a towel around my body and ran another through my hair, getting it dry. I brushed it and went back to my room, getting some yoga cutoff pants. I put on a large tank top that had cut out sides and slid open the door, making my way to the kitchen. Calum was still asleep so I put on a pot of coffee and watched out the window as the sun rose.

"What the-?" I turned around to see Calum sitting up on the couch, rubbing his eyes. "Katie?"

"Morning." I mumbled against the rim of my coffee mug and he stood up, looking around.

"When did I get here?" He asked, walking over to me and I sighed a little, backing away.

"One." I simply replied and Calum sighed when I looked back out the window. "You should leave."

"Can we please just talk?" Calum ran a hand through his hair and I didn't reply, chewing on my bottom lip. "Katie,"

"What is there to talk about, Calum?" I exasperated, wanting to just end this conversation. "Okay, it's five in the morning and I really don't want to do this. So, please just leave. I'm sure your friends are looking for you."

"Last night, I was trashed but I remember telling you that I loved you." Calum spoke up after a minute and I rolled my eyes, drinking the last of my coffee. "I mean it."

"No, you don't." I made my way to the kitchen and sat my cup in the sink. Just as I turned around, I bumped into his chest. "If you loved me, you wouldn't have slept with that girl."

"Can I just explain myself?" He sighed and I crossed my arms over my chest, looking down. "When you told me about Sophie being your daughter, I got scared. I don't know why. Just thinking about my twenty year old girlfriend having a six year old kid freaked me out. I didn't know how to handle it so I went and got drunk. I thought that maybe if I hooked up with someone else, you would hate me. I knew that I had already disappointed you so I figured I would just make it worse." Calum trailed off and I didn't reply.

"You literally make no sense." I shook my head.

"I've only had one relationship, besides you, and it didn't end well. She broke up with me like it was nothing. Being with you scared me because I thought you would do the same thing. When I found out about you being a mom, I figured you had a lot on your plate and no room for a relationship. So, I'm sorry." I took in all he was saying and finally looked Calum in the eye.

"Calum, I can't do this," I motioned between us. "right now. I have a lot going on and maybe being together isn't good for us. I mean, we both obviously have issues with being in a relationship. I've been let down and disappointed enough in my life and I really don't want any more."

"One more chance is all I'm asking for." He practically pleaded. "Just one."

I took a deep breath and finally looked up at him, thinking about what he was saying. I know I shouldn't trust him because he hurt me, but something told me that Calum was telling the truth. I wanted to trust him but he cheated.

"Don't break my heart." I finally said after a few minutes.

Before I knew it, lips were on mine. My eyes widened but I soon responded to the kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck. Calum held onto my waist and I threaded my fingers through the hair on the back of his neck. I pulled away from the kiss and rested my forehead against his, taking a deep breath.

"I love you, Katie." Calum whispered and I leaned my head on his shoulder. "You don't have to say it back."

"I just need some time." I mumbled, looking up at him and Calum offered up a half smile. "I'm sorry."

"I'm the one who should be saying sorry." He laughed a little and I smiled, casting my eyes downward. "How about we have a fresh start?"

"Works for me." I slightly smiled and Calum drew small circles on my lower back. "Do you want breakfast?"

"Let's go somewhere." Calum suggested and I nodded, pulling myself out of his hold, grabbing his hands.

"C'mon, I know a really good diner."

I led Calum out of the apartment and he tossed an arm across my shoulders as we walked downstairs and we got to my Jeep. We climbed in and he grabbed my hand from across the center console when I started driving. We sat in comfortable silence, besides the radio, and I found the diner that I have been coming to since I was a kid. We got inside and found an empty booth, seeing as it was so early, and a familiar face came over to serve us.

"Katie, hey!" Seth smiled and I frowned, feeling my hands begin to shake underneath the table. "I didn't know you were back."

"Um, yeah." I said and he nodded, his gaze falling to Calum.

"I didn't know you had a boyfriend." I gulped and nodded, catching Calum's gaze. He had furrowed eyebrows and I sent him a worried look.

"Well, I think we should be going." Calum piped up and we both stood from the booth.

Calum grabbed my hand and we quickly left, leaving Seth by the booth. We went to my car and we didn't get in, Calum intertwining both of our hands, watching as I continuously bit my lip.

"What's up with that dude?" He finally asked and I let out a shaky breath, fumbling with his fingers that were in mine.

"Um, we went to high school together and he-" I stuttered and momentarily closed my eyes, trying to gather my thoughts. "He and his friends used to bully me a lot."

I kept my eyes down, not wanting to see his reaction. He'll think I'm weak. Before I knew it, Calum pulled me into his arms, resting his chin on the top of my head. I closed my eyes and leaned my forehead on his chest, taking a deep breath. Even though things were rough, Calum's arms around me made me feel ten times better.