the photographer [c.h.]

twenty-eight

"Ready to go?" Calum asked quietly and I nodded, allowing him to help me up from the hospital bed.

He kept a hand on the small of my back as we walked out of the hospital and I slowly sat myself in the passenger seat of his car. The sun was rising as we pulled out of the parking lot and I leaned my head against the window, watching the passing city. Calum kept quiet and once home, neither of us made the move to get out. He shut the car off and we sat in a harsh silence.

After a minute, I made the move to get out, just wanting to get in bed. Calum followed me inside and the first thing I saw was Sophie and Ashton asleep on the couch. Ashton woke up when the door shut and he offered a small smile, standing up from the couch. We walked over and I put a blanket over Sophie, not wanting her to wake up.

"Thanks, man." Calum said and Ashton nodded, giving me a small hug before leaving.

"I'm gonna go lay down for a while." I said quietly and Calum nodded.

I slowly made my way upstairs and to the bedroom, shutting the door behind me. I turned the light off and climbed into bed, curling up in the covers. I held a pillow to my chest and tried to get comfortable. I heard the door open and shut before footsteps came around the bed. I looked up when the covers were pulled back and Calum climbed in.

I kept my eyes on his chest when he scooted closer to me and wrapped an arm around my waist. I felt tears fill my eyes and Calum held me close to him, pressing a kiss to my forehead. I fumbled with his t-shirt and sniffled, trying not to cry. I'm not weak.

"I'm sorry." I whispered and Calum sighed, tilting my chin up so I would look at him.

"Don't say that. You did everything you were supposed to." He mumbled and with those words, I turned around so my back was facing him. "Katie,"

"I'm really tired. I think I'm gonna go to sleep." I said, wiping my cheeks.

~~~~~~~~~

1 week later

"What do you want for dinner?" I asked, popping my head into the study and Calum sighed, looking up from his computer.

"Katie, you don't have to cook." He said and I looked down at my sock clad feet, not replying. "Let's just order something."

"Chinese?" I suggested quietly and Calum nodded, giving me a small smile.

"I can do it. Why don't you go pick out a movie?"

I left the study with a nod and went to the living room, sitting down on the couch. I turned the TV on and scrolled through Netflix, trying to find something to watch. Calum came in a moment later, hanging up the phone. He sat down next to me and I scooted to the edge of the couch, not wanting him to wrap his arms around me like he used to. When there was a bump.

I saw Calum frown in my peripheral vision, but I just curled into myself, grabbing a blanket from the floor. We put on a random movie and I leaned my head in my hand on the armrest of the couch. Calum kept scooting closer to me as the movie went on and soon enough, I rested my head on his shoulder. I let him wrap an arm around my shoulders and I pulled my knees to my chest.

The doorbell rang, making me jump, and Calum got up from the couch, going to the door. He came back a few minutes later with the takeout boxes and he handed me one filled with fried rice. I picked at the food, not really in the mood to eat, and after a while, just sat it down on the coffee table.

"Are you not hungry?" Calum wondered and I shook my head, taking a deep breath.

"I'm fine." I said quietly and offered a smile to make him dismiss it.

"Ashton said that Leah has been trying to call you." Calum spoke up and I momentarily closed my eyes.

"I know." I whispered and finally looked over at him. Calum watched me with concerned eyes and I tucked my legs up under my butt.

"Katie, I know that you haven't been eating." Calum said after a while and I ran a hand through my hair, getting it out of my eyes. "Don't do this to yourself again."

"Please can we not do this now." My voice broke and I cleared my throat, standing up.

"No, we need to do this now." He followed me to the kitchen. "I'm not just gonna stand by and watch you starve to death. Okay? It kills me to see you in so much pain and I have no clue how to help you if you stay quiet. I lost him too and I'm trying really hard to be strong for your sake, but I don't know if I can do it anymore. I've tried and I don't know what to do anymore."

"I don't know what you want from me, Calum." I said, gripping the counter so tight that my knuckles looked like they could burst. "I'm not good at this. I've never been good at letting people in and- and." I couldn't even finish my sentence and Calum sighed behind me, obviously frustrated.

"Don't hide your feelings. For gods sake, I'm your husband. You shouldn't be scared to show emotion around me. I want to help you and if that means letting you cry or throw things, then so be it. Just don't shut me out." He said and I leaned my elbows on the counter, putting my head in my hands.

"I have blamed myself for the last week and I honestly don't think I have the energy to have a breakdown." I humorlessly laughed and turned around to face Calum. "Because if I start crying, I don't think I will stop."

"Katie," Calum sighed and I just shook my head.

"I'm really tired, I think I'm gonna go to bed." I interrupted and left the kitchen before he could say anything else.