the photographer [c.h.]

five

+Katie+

"Hey," Leah popped her head in the room and I turned over in bed, not saying anything.  "How are you feeling?"

I shrugged and kept my eyes on the wall. I haven't slept all night. I knew that Calum left this morning, even though he thought I was asleep, and I'm exhausted. From all of the crying and the panic attack I had last night, I felt like I was dead in my own body. Leah sighed and came around the bed, sitting down next to my curled up body. She climbed under the covers and I grabbed the other pillow, tugging it to my chest. I immediately felt comforted from the scent of Calum on the fabric. I would never admit it, but Calum made me feel safe. Like I was home.

"I booked us a flight to go home tomorrow." Leah spoke up and I nodded. "Calum told me about the panic attack." She whispered and I looked down, not really wanting to talk right now. "You could have come and got me."

"Didn't want to bother you." I whispered, my voice coming out raspy. "We both had a rough night. I knew Ashton would be there for you."

"I'm glad you had Calum." I nodded in agreement and kept my head down. "I know you say that you don't like him, but Calum really does care for you."

"I know." I mumbled. "When do we leave tomorrow?"

"Our flight is at 11." I nodded. "We have to be at the venue tonight at seven, only if you're up for it."

"I'll be ready." Leah eyed me with a concerned gaze and I just fumbled with my sleeves. "Um, I think I'm gonna just hang out in here today. I'll see you later though."

"Alright." Leah got up from the bed. "I'll see you later."

Leah finally left the room and I burrowed myself deeper into the white covers. Grabbing my phone off the bedside table, I opened it to see messages from all the boys with their condolences. I ignored the texts and went to Twitter, scrolling through my feed. Someone knocked on my door after a while, and I called out a 'come in', turning to face the door. Calum stepped in, now in new jeans and a Green Day t-shirt.  He gave me a small smile and stood awkwardly by the bed.

"I, um, just wanted to see how you were doing." He said, quietly, and I shrugged.

"You didn't have to come back." I said, quietly, sitting up in the bed and criss crossing my legs.

"I know, but I wanted to." He smiled a little, and sat down across from me. "So, how are you doing?"

"Not too good," I humorlessly laughed, and cast my eyes downwards. "Leah and I are going home tomorrow."

"For the funeral?" Calum asked and I nodded, hating the word funeral. "Sorry."

"It's fine."

An awkward silence filled the room and Calum motioned to the spot next to me, silently asking to lay down. I nodded and did the same, turning to face him. Calum stared at me, his eyebrows furrowing, and I fumbled with my sweater sleeves, letting out a deep breath.

"Can I tell you something?" Calum whispered after a while and I nodded, looking up into his brown eyes that never left mine. "You know how we always argue?"

"It's kind of hard to ignore." I said sarcastically and Calum laughed.

"I don't want to argue anymore."

His words were so quiet that I almost didn't hear him, and he scooted a little closer to me. I slightly nodded, and he leaned his head down towards me. He put a hand on my cheek and I knew what was going to happen. My breath got caught in my throat when he got even closer to me. Before I knew it, his lips were on mine. I let my eyes flutter shut and his thumb swiped across my cheek, making me move a little closer. I held onto his tattooed forearm and he trailed his hand down, interlocking our fingers.

Calum pulled away a little and moved his body to hover above me. He put our intertwined fingers next to my head and pressed his lips to mine again. I tilted my head, allowing him to deepen the kiss, and he smiled a little, holding onto my exposed hip in his large hand. Calum started to draw circles on my skin, making goosebumps rise under his cold fingers. After a while, I pulled away and rested my forehead against his, taking slow breaths.

"I'm sorry." I breathed out and he nodded, hanging his head. "There's just a lot going on right now, and I don't think it's best for me to-"

"It's okay." Calum whispered, pressing a kiss to my forehead. I closed my eyes and pressed a hand to my head, sighing. "Hey, don't worry about it."

I opened my eyes and hesitantly nodded as Calum flopped down next to me. I turned to face him and he slightly smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind my ear. What am I doing? Calum and I have always hated each other, and here I am making out with him. But, damn, he was a good kisser. Calum tugged me closer to him and wrapped an arm around my waist, holding me to his body. I rested my head on his chest and he tangled our legs together. I took a deep breath and Calum sighed, putting his chin on top of my head. 

"Calum?" I asked quietly and he hummed. "What are we doing?" I mumbled and he smiled a little.

"I think I like you, Katie." Calum whispered and I looked up at him.

"Yeah?" I wondered and he nodded, cracking a smile. "I think I like you too."

"Really?" I nodded, a small smile twitching at my lips and he leaned down, giving me a small kiss. "When I kissed you the other day at the venue, I didn't do it just to get your attention." Calum shyly admitted and I laughed. "Will you promise to have dinner with me sometime?"

"Promise." I smiled and he did too. "But, let's not tell everyone because they'll make a bigger deal out of it than it should be."

"I agree." Calum mumbled and I shyly looked down. "You're blushing." He teased and I felt my cheeks heat up even more as he laughed.

"Oh, shut up." I muttered, hiding my face in my hands.

"You're so adorable." Calum laughed and I groaned, pulling the covers over my head.

"I'm ignoring you, now." I said, my voice muffled by the blanket.

"Goodnight, Katie." Calum sang and held me closer to him.

"Shut the hell up."