the photographer [c.h.]

thirty-six

"I'm sorry." Calum mumbled and I sighed, looking up at him. "I shouldn't have snapped at you."

"Don't apologize. I know how you're feeling."

Right when I said that, tears started streaming from his eyes and down his flushed cheeks. My face fell and a small sob left his lips. Calum would have fallen to the floor if it weren't for me. I wrapped my arms around him and he completely broke down. He buried his face in my neck and sobs continued to fill the silence of the house.

For the first time since Calum found out that his dad died, he cried. He cried so hard it was like he couldn't breathe. Calum held onto me so tight that I would most likely have bruises on my waist, but I could care less right now. He bawled into my shoulder and I just combed my fingers through his hair, letting him cry.

I've never really seen Calum cry like this. Sure, when Travis was born, he cried but it was out of happiness. All of the sudden, he detached himself from me and ran to the bathroom. I quickly followed and sighed, seeing him throw up into the toilet. Calum coughed and let out a sob, putting his head in his hands.

I walked up behind him and bent down next to his shaking body, rubbing up and down his back. I flushed the toilet so that he wouldn't have to smell the throw up. It hurt me to see him so upset, but I knew he needed to let it out. He shouldn't bottle everything up like he usually does.

"I don't know what I'm gonna do." Calum choked out and I frowned, pushing his hair back from his eyes.

"Don't say that." I whispered, sitting down so that my legs were bent up against the toilet. "I know you, Cal, and I know that you'll be okay. You always get through it."

"I talked to him the night before, though." Calum exasperated. "And I hung up because the game was on. God I feel like such an ass." He swallowed hard and sat back against the bathtub, running his hands down his face.

"You can't feel guilty. It will just make the whole situation worse for yourself." I sighed. "Trust me, I know." I lightly laughed and Calum smiled a little, wiping his tears.

"How'd you do it?" I cocked my head to the side at his question. "Get through everything when your parents died."

"When my mom died, I drank all the time and just partied to not feel sad. When my dad died, well, you know how that went." I trailed off and Calum laughed, stretching his legs out and rolling his sleeves up of his dress shirt.

"Thanks for dealing with me." He said after a while and I couldn't help but smile.

"It's what I'm here for, Cal." I knocked my leg against his and he smiled, making grabby hands at me.

I crawled across the bathroom floor and sat down in front of him, only to be lifted onto his lap. Calum intertwined our fingers and I smiled a little, happy that he was finally calming down. I reached up and brushed his hair to the side.

"You need a hair cut." I mumbled and he pouted, moving his thumb across the back of my hand.

"Then what will you hold on to in bed?" Calum said and my mouth fell open at his words.

"My god, one second you're crying and the next you're back to your perverted self." I laughed and he just smirked.

"Well, every time one of us is upset, we always resort to that." He motioned to the bedroom and I couldn't help but laugh.

"We probably need to figure something else out instead of sex." I said quietly, toying with our fingers that were in front of his chest.

"I might have to disagree with that." Calum laughed and I playfully rolled his eyes.

"C'mon. You look exhausted." I stood up and helped Calum stand too, watching him yawn.

We walked to the bedroom and Calum sat on the edge of the bed, slouching his shoulders. I walked over to him and he held his arms out, silently asking me to get his shirt off. I cocked an eyebrow but undid his tie anyways, setting it on the dresser. I unbuttoned his dress shirt and he shook it off his shoulders, tossing it to the floor.

Calum smirked, knowing how much I hated clothes on the floor, and I huffed, picking it up and putting it in the laundry bin. Calum stood up and kicked his pants off, along with his shoes and I picked up the clothes, watching him silently laugh at me. I flicked him off and tugged off my leggings and boots, grabbing one of his t-shirts. I pulled off my long sleeve, black shirt, and slipped his over my head, walking over to the bed.

Calum reached out for me and tugged me onto his lap, gripping my waist. He brushed his hands up the shirt and I toyed with the hair on the back of his neck. He touched one spot on my waist and I flinched. Calum frowned and lifted my shirt up, his face falling at the fresh bruises on my hips.

"Did I do that?" His voice was so quiet that I could barely hear him but I nodded. "When?"

"Earlier, but it doesn't matter, Cal. I'm pretty sure I've ruined some of your shirts when I was upset." I said and he just frowned, moving his fingers over the bruises.

"There's a difference between a shirt and your body, Katie." Calum whispered and I just put my finger under his chin, making him look at me.

"Listen to me," I said, taking his face in my hands. "Quit beating yourself up. I don't care about a couple bruises, okay?"

"I just feel bad." He said but I covered his mouth with my hand to make him stop talking.

Calum licked the palm of my hand, making me squeal and bring my hand back, wiping it on his shoulder. I claimed that he was disgusting and Calum just laughed, pulling us back onto the bed. I laughed as he blew raspberries on my neck and finally got him off of me, shoving him to the side.

"You're a goof." I laughed and he just pulled the covers up around us, tugging me closer and turning the light off.

"I'm your goof, though."