the photographer [c.h.]

twenty-nine

I sighed, walking into the bedroom, and made my way to the closet, trying to decide what to wear. I grabbed some ripped jeans and a loose tank top along with a big gray sweater. I went back through the bedroom and grabbed some underwear and a bralet, going to the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and began changing into the clothes, trying to ignore how baggy the tank top was on my stomach.

I took one last look at myself in the mirror and left the bathroom, trying to find some shoes. I got my black combat boots and a pair of socks, sitting down on the edge of the bed. I put them on and froze as Calum turned in the bed. His light snores filled the room again so I slowly stood up and grabbed my bag, making my way downstairs. I went outside and to my car, getting in and starting the engine.

I pulled out of the driveway and began driving to the studio. I quietly sang along to the music playing from the radio and parked in the back of the studio when I got there. I walked inside and said hi to Jenn, going to my desk. I turned on the computer and went through my calendar. I sighed, happily, seeing that I didn't have any off site shoots today. My phone rang, making me jump, and I looked down to see Leah's picture on the screen.

"Hello?" I said into the receiver. I can't ignore her forever.

"Hey, how are you doing?" Leah asked and I leaned my elbow on the desk, running a hand through my hair.

"I'm alright. You?"

"Good." We fell into silence and I closed my eyes momentarily. "Are you okay?"

"Why wouldn't I be?" I wondered, knowing exactly what she was trying to get out of me.

"Katie, I know what you're going through. I know that you aren't okay." Leah said and I took a deep breath. "Do you want to come over and have dinner tonight? Ashton won't quit talking about a new game that he wants Calum to play."

"Yeah." I said quietly. "I gotta go but I'll see you tonight."

"Bye," Leah hung up and I laid my head down on the desk, a groan falling from my lips. This is going to be a long day.

~~~~~~~~~

"Hey!" Leah pulled me into a hug as we walked through the door and I gave her a small smile, following her to the kitchen while Ashton and Calum went to the living room.

"What are you cooking?" I asked, sitting down at the counter as she walked over to the stove.

"Chicken lo mein." Leah said and I cocked an eyebrow. "What?" She laughed. "I'm trying something new."

"I'll trust you not to give me food poisoning." I laughed. It almost felt foreign because I haven't smiled or laughed for the last few weeks.

Leah handed me a wine glass and held up a bottle of white and red wine. I chose the white and let her pour some in the glass, hesitantly taking a sip. I haven't been able to drink in over six months and if it weren't for the miscarriage, I still wouldn't be able to. I shook the thoughts from my head and tried to pay attention to the story Leah was telling me about a lady at her work.

"I swear, she is the most annoying person ever." Leah rolled her eyes and I laughed a little, taking a big drink of my wine. "How's the studio?"

"It's really good. Jenn is trying to get me a job with Rolling Stone in the city." I said. Jenn has been begging her friend to give me a job over there.

"Katie! That is so cool. Would you take it?" She asked and I nodded.

"Yeah, I want to move up and not just do family portraits." I slightly laughed and Leah smiled, stirring the noodles in the pan.

"So, I have something to tell you." Leah said, leaning against the counter and she bit her lip.

"What's going on?" I asked, taking a sip of my wine.

"I'm pregnant." She smiled and I faked one. "I'm three months along and was gonna tell you a few weeks ago, but." Leah cut herself off and my face fell.

"I'm happy for you, Leah." I said and she gave me a pointed look. "Really. I am. You and Ashton deserve it."

"I just know that it's a touchy subject for you and I didn't want to make you upset." Leah said and I sighed a little.

"Leah, I'm excited for you two. Don't be scared to tell me stuff." I said and she just watched me with concerned eyes. "I'm gonna use the bathroom." I said quietly after a while and stood up, making my way to the bathroom.

"Hey, did Leah tell you the news?" Ashton said as I passed through the living room and I faked a smile.

"Yeah, congrats." I said and he smiled, returning his attention to the video game.

Calum gave me a questioning look and I just shook my head, continuing to the bathroom. I shut the door behind me and braced myself against the sink, taking deep breaths. I don't know why I am getting so worked up. I just need to calm down.

"Dinner's ready!" I heard Leah yell from down the hall so I left the bathroom, going to the kitchen.

Calum sat down next to me and wrapped his arm around the back of my chair, pressing a kiss to the side of my head. I turned to him and he just nodded at me, giving me a small smile. Leah handed me a plate and conversation floated around the room.

"How's Sophie doing?" Ashton asked and I smiled, taking a drink of my water.

"Good. She keeps asking to spend the night here." Leah smiled and nodded.

"Well, we always have room for her." Leah said and I smiled, taking a bite of the noodles, immediately coughing.

"Oh my god, how much garlic did you put in this?" I coughed, drinking my water, and Leah gasped, throwing a pea at me.

"Hey!" She said, making me laugh.