IT'S CONFUSING!

chapter 1

Edited

Love...

 
The word itself fills me with so many emotions that I can't put my finger on one. It's been 689 days since I let go of the shy fish out of feels whenever I see a member from my opposite gender kinda me. It's been 689 days of oblivion and elysium. It's been 689 days of heartbreaks and love...yes love. I loved him. I loved him with all my heart. That blissful moment when your heart hammers in your chest when you see your very first crush again and you get to fall for him yet another time, but only this time it was for real. Yes, it did happen to me, yes it indeed was Aladdin and Jasmine kinda magical. He meant so much...so much to me that I found myself thinking about him and only him whenever I see something that is connected to him; whenever I pass a basketball court all I could think about were his toned muscles flexing when Aiden dribbles the ball with his skilful slender fingers...oh the things he could do with those long sleek figures. Aiden...yes that's the name of the devil who snatched my fragile heart and crushed it like a piece of paper and threw it away, not once, but twice! But that didn't stop me from forgiving him and still loving him with all that I had. But it's been 689 days and only now do I feel myself having the same pull, but only a thousand times worse, to another guy. That got me thinking- did I love him or do I still?  689 days back...     It was the last day of my life as a school-going teenager; my last day as an Ewartian. I've been in an all-girl school for 14 years of my life and the only way I know about the very existence of another gender is because of my dad and those notorious so-called cousins of mine. Being in an all girls school might sound bad, but to be honest those were the best days of my life.     I've always been an outgoing person- my entire peer group knew me and we were all on good terms with each other- but I still did have my own gang, the ones with whom I can be myself and they would still love me. On the last day, I was walking out of my school and all I could think about was the fact that I'm gonna enter a new phase in my life, whilst still not knowing how to act when I'm around the opposite sex! “Geez, talk about self loathing”, I said to myself. Just then I was interrupted by my girlfriend Amber,who had a wicked smile on her face. “So are you dreaming with your eyes open about Aiden now?” she smirks. Oh how much would I love to smack that smirk away from her face! Though I hate her at times she still means the world to me and she is one of the few people who knew about my crazy crush for 7 long years! Yes that's right, 7 years! I've had a crush on a guy for 7 years and to top it off he still sees me as his sister! Aiden...I first saw him when he came to ask my mum some doubts in English, since mum was a teacher back then. He was tall, slender, very athletic with his long legs and a dimple on his face to die for! Long story short, he was like a typical bad boy who just stepped out of those romance novels! Damn...just thinking about him paints my cheek pink!  “No I was not. I was just thinking about the ways I wanna kill you”, I snap at Amber. She puts her hands up in mock surrender and we start walking back to our house. It was not too far yet not too close, but it was a manageable distance from our school. We walked in comfortable silence for a while. “I cannot believe that we are done with our high school! I mean for real!”, she whines. “I’m really gonna miss all those late night talks and those beautiful shoes of yours, Keira”, she says, her eyes becoming a little damp. “I'm gonna miss you more, Amber, and don't you dare forget to call me once a day or I swear I'll make sure you never lay a finger on my shoes ever again!”, I smile, and so does she. We reach our places and we bid our farewells to each other and I start walking towards home. Just as I was about to open the gate I heard a loud thud from behind, and to my surprise it was Aiden! Just the sight of him would make my stomach do somersaults and my heart go haywire! “Jeez, the effect this guy has on me! Get a grip Keira!”, I shout to myself.  Aiden had fallen from his bike and all I was doing was staring at him like he was Edward Cullen in a Christmas gown! “Um...do you mind giving me a hand here?”, he said in his sexy husky tone- *swoons*. I snap out of my daydreams and make my way towards Aiden. He was sprawled out on the floor with his books falling on one side and his lush lips bloodstained, but he still looked like a runway model trying some new poses. Now don't go all ape shit on me, it’s just that whenever I see him it's like my brain shuts down and I act like a complete maniac who doesn't have a grip! “Fuck you, raging hormones, fuck you!”. I reach out for him and try to pull him up with all my might but he's as heavy as a mammoth, gosh! Don't get me wrong I'm not one of the bimbo kinda types who lives only on leaves (I mean come on! You live only once and all you eat are leaves? I would rather kill myself than eating that shit). But just like all the mainstream movies, when I pulled him up with all my strength, he tripped and I fell face down on his chiseled abs and he groaned, not because of the fact that I had fallen on top of him but because of my hands, which were on his, let's just say, *private region*.