IT'S CONFUSING!

REDEMPTION

Darkness.

That was the only thing that I remember .

One minute  I felt aganoizing pain and the next it was nothing but darkness. 

My body felt weak.

Yet for some unknown reason  it felt comforting.

A cringing pain in my head made me want to scream   but when I tried to do it. Nothing came out of my mouth.

It was funny for a girl who never gave a flying fuck about anyone or anything  to be so helpless that she thought that the only way to end her malicious pain was by hurting  her own self.  But then again,
Karma was a bitch.
A bad one.

They say that the last few moments before death laid it's ice cold grip on one's soul , their favourite memories will be played in front of their eyes for one last time.

A coin to  get one to the other side.

One final peek through the curtain of life.

I saw it too.

A dream that I would give anything  up to never be waken from.  The memories  so fresh. So pure, that it felt like reality. I saw my mom's beautiful  face. A smile etched on her face as she tucked a strand of hair behind my ear. The million kisses she showered me with. The love. The purest form of love. I felt horrible  for making her go through  this. One memory after the next kept playing like a slide show with no pause button.
A rewind into the past .

My past.

I saw my tiny little hands holding so tightly  in my dad's big one. A grin plastered  on my face as I  kept pestering him to lift me up.

I saw the first time my eyes landed on amber . Our first meeting. Our silly meaningless fights. Our ocean deep conversations.  "Oh how brokwn she will be when she comes to know about what i had done" .I knew she would blame herself for something that   I had done. She will be torn to pieces.

And then I saw my gorgeous Kate and klen . Our snide comebacks.  Our pun intended conversations.

They will be shattered. 

They will heal.
Time will heal them all.
But they will never be the same.
Never.
I tried to justify my actions to my own damn self.

As my time in this world came to its end or so I thought , I even got to see vicktor.  Oh my dear vicktor!  Now I felt what he would have experienced when I told him that I was not into him. I felt so guilty when I realized that he had to look at me every single day even after me rejecting him. I wish I had his courage.  I wish my heart was strong enough to get up and walk forward. But I was a coward. A weakling even.

And then ,
I saw the one I prayed to never see again. Eyes so grey that it reminded me of the stormy sky before the thunderstorms. 
His flawless olive  skin glistening because of the rays from the sun.
His smile that would make me  once go weak on my knees made me feel nothing but regret.

Aiden Ruth.

My head felt like a million pounds heavier and all I wanted to do was scream in agony and just like that , I was thrown back into pitch black darkness.
Again.

************************************

"Beep"
"Beep"
"Beep"
"Beep"

Where the am I?
"Beep"
Why does it feel like I am chained with thousands of metal ropes?
"Beep"
Why can't I move my body?
"Beep"
I slowly moved my arms and almost gave up as they weighed a ton over to the left.
Ahh ! Why the hell can't I find my bloody darn alarm?
And then after a torturous few minutes  my hand landed on something round. Sighing I tried to press the switch off button.