depreciation they claim

Jumper

Sometimes I think I am suicidal.

Not to be alarmed, my thoughts are clean. But often times I find traces of morbidity sprinkled in day to day clips and reels in my mind.
I want to live and be alive.

Going to class today I played through what my note would say. By the way, I would write a note.
It would not be filled with blame, though I had much considered it. I figured though if my existence were to be erased, or this was an attempt at that, leaving someone struck with eternal guilt would be selfish, even for me.
I would make clear this is not be anyone's fault but my own, for I think suicide is very selfish.
I would talk about being sick, how I felt these past few months.
I would talk about all the sad and mopey shit.
I would be appreciative of my support one last time.
I would express my sadness and sorrow for my condition.
I would explain my reasoning for not planning a future.

With all things consider you must note this is mere fantasy. Morbid fantasy I wish to never say dream of but still. I've always been afraid of heights but maybe I've always just been afraid of the itch to jump.