depreciation they claim

Routine

I used to worry about my body a lot.

It was something I grew into, and then grew out of.

I've started working out recently and haven't really noticed until now how focused I am on why my body looks like and how I compare to others. I've never played sports, but I'm physically fit I'd say. I've got more upper body strength than lower and my weight it about average.

In on the shorter side which has been a low laying insecurity since Ive gotten to the point where contests about having the smallest feet or being the shortest in the class don't matter anymore.

Funny how that principle of wanting something you can have comes into play so often. I want so much to change but then again, I still love myself.

I've always been confident about my body. As a kid, I knew everyone was different, I knew my body was mine and I loved it no matter.

Then I started to think otherwise. My boyfriend threw out jokes and comments about wishing I was skinnier, no big deal. He must like me, he's dating me. My friends would chuckle and I would too. He's just kidding.

Damn it, these pants are tight. Maybe I should try a 5. Okay there is no way I'm a 5, I've been a 3 for- forever. I'm done growing, right? My doctor said I'm done. These must be cut wrong. We are getting the 3.

You talk about my weight an awful lot for me being someone who is in shape.

Am I in shape?
Oh god, I don't think I am.

But I was. I was beautiful and healthy and perfect.

I don't have time to work out, I'm so busy, I'm too tired to even eat when I get home.
That's it. If it's too late, you can skip one meal, you won't even notice, you're going to sleep anyway. That doesn't require food or energy. Drink some water and go to sleep now.

Wake up, drink water, no time for breakfast, but grab a big enough lunch.

Lunch time. I thought eating less would make me feel hungrier but it's making me want to eat less. Eat what you can, don't force yourself.

Dinner time. Wow I am actually home a decent hour. My mom wants the family to eat together for once. I could eat, but not within four hours of bed. Take an early dinner, I'm not very hungry anyway.

Drink water. Go to bed.

Wake up, no time for breakfast.
Lunch time. When I drink enough water, I'm not hungry. Munch on something to make it seem like I'm just eating slowly.
Dinner time, after practice. Really hungry, mom made me a plate. Heat it up, go to bed. Wake up.
I didn't drink water. I also ate the whole plate right before sleeping.
One time thing. Back on track.
Drink water, no breakfast, small lunch, more water, more water, cramp, more water, practice ran late, too tired, time for bed.

Wake up.
Get dressed.
I told you the 3s fit, I've always been a size 3.