depreciation they claim

caste

I don't get how I do so well for so long and can wake up, and go back to old ways. It baffles me every goddamn time.

I can't decide what relationship I have with emotion. I feel so much at times then not at all then I can't decide and it's frustrating, god it's so frustrating.
It's beyond me to put it in words.

It kills me to think of the unknown. I used to think nothing of it. If it's not in my control it shouldn't bother me, but I feel like I can't help it.

You ever put in an album and just a flood of thought rushes into your head?

I'm trying to be vague, I don't know why. I am always vague. Everything is a goddamn metaphor and life is poetic and love is a book and all the pansy bullshit this persona I've created spills onto paper.

Real life isn't like that. It's brutal, and flexible and sad and loose and lonely and unpredictable and so loose. God, why isn't anything set in stone? Why are my insecurities showing?

I want to beat my head against a wall.

I've become so invested that I can't help but to break down into this nervous mess.

This isn't me.

I try not to talk about myself to others a lot. It started when I began relating situations others were in to my own experience, empathy. I felt myself focusing on myself just as much as them, "how inconsiderate" I thought. So I began to bury the ability to do that deep in the back of my head with the other untouchables.

Sometimes I dig it up, but you know what they say, use it or lose it.