depreciation they claim

Eden

I knew I wanted to write but I'm not sure about what. I'm not sure if I want to put on music, or play it myself or paint or throw things or smile or breathe.

I don't know.

I have been certain of a handful of things in my life and that's it.

I'm so funny, I like things to be certain and set in stone when I can't even be so myself. Hypocrites, am I right?

You know, I think a lot about doing things, then I find I'm satisfied just picturing them, so I just don't do it.

I have such a problem committing to things, and even before that being motivated to do them. As soon as I work up the motivation, I try once, and if I fail, never try again.

Perseverance is what I lack, now that I think about it. I don't hate failing, I hate wasting my effort when I can imagine some lala land in my head of perfection.

(I've never actually written these thoughts down so I'm learning as much about me as you are.)

I don't know what this says about my personality or outlook on life or what. Am I lazy? Am I a perfectionist? I don't think so. I think it's just hard for me to bring myself to keep pushing.

That brings me to the philosophy of why people fail. Is it to make them learn? Or to prove they weren't prepared? Or an "I told you so"? All of which I see as useless tools in executing  whatever it is one is doing.
Failure sucks.

it's not I feel disappointed in myself or feel I could have done better. Failure is merely an inconvenience, standing between a goal and myself.

I bet that serpent in the garden of Eden created it as some sick prank to suppress sinners, or some bs like that.

Either way, failure is a real pain in the ass, you just gotta take some Advil and move the fuck on with your shitty day.