depreciation they claim

Monster under the bed

Like I said before, I'm not suicidal.

But, sometimes you can't just help but think:
Wow, I'm really glad I didn't kill myself a few months ago.

I've never had the desire to act on the morbid itch to harm myself, but I've been assuming it's normal some days to think:
What if I wasn't here?

It's awful to think of, I know. Think of the people who be lost without me, the ones who didn't know me until I was gone, the ones who felt guilty, I mean everything.

It's sort of, empowering. It's why I've never actually felt the urge to go through with anything, as if there were something to go through with.

Think of how much power you would have even if you weren't here, especially if you left a note. Blame and guilt are so powerful on the brain, it's so amazing. You mention one minuscule incident resulting in your downward spiral of mental health and boom, you've guilt tripped them into thinking they killed you, when you could have written one for everyone you knew doing the same, or just lied your ass off to go out as the sly bitch you are.

Why would you do this? No one probably would, but you could. Should you? Fuck no. So why am I pointing it out? It's cool as shit to think about.

Someone has had to have had the thought before, just I'm choosing to talk about it. It seems healthier than just keeping all the morbidity locked up. I feel like that could go south pretty quickly.

It's not the ones talking like me you should be worried about acting on things, it's those who aren't speaking out who you should watch.

It's okay to not always think of perfect scenarios all the time, I wish people talked about their darker sides of their minds so when someone did bring it up they were looked at like they have 3 heads.

We know your life isn't rainbows and butterfly kisses all the time, tell us what hides under your bed already.