depreciation they claim

Actors

It was an absent year. Absent not to be synonymous with sparse or lacking, but absent in the sense of the mind. The ten, nearly twelve, months of fluttery thought had been unintentional and cloudy. A stretch to describe such a mentality as "regretful", but I feel as in this race, I have inched from the starting line, and stopped, and inched again. I have been naive and forgiving. I am learning.

I have spent the past months being selfless, an unorthodox ritual for a narcissist. As mentioned previously, I do not regret this, nearly considered "experiment", but this habit is not one I'd enjoy picking up, and it is one of few things I do not feel an ounce of guilt for. A winter fast approaching undoubtedly riddled with memory of last, and with that, subsequential nausea and anxiety, containing a crumb of hope beaming with beautiful and morbid inspiration and muse. A foster home for creativity and suicidal thought, my mind will become. It is expected, and yet, as the thoughts nestle in for the season, I shall still be surprised, though I am the one in which made up their rooms, carefully placing the fresh towels and pillow mints in their suites. I intend for them to stay, and be comfortable. Though houseguests are burden, it is another yet selfless act of mine I will provide.

And as much as I continue to do for others sake in hopes to benefit from their grace and glory of my deeds, I am still displeased and often unsatisfied, not only with their appreciation, but with my lack of backbone and incredible performance as the Doormat in this act of Life.

You would think an actress would demand a more impressive role. Pardon- earn a more impressive role. But me being both an actress and narcissist, I would be expected to demand such, Plead the director that my talent is wasted on the role of poor "Doormat". But I assure you- it is. But I have been humbled by this year for some reason I could have probably told you eleven months ago, but is since lost in translation.

You are naive, as well. You are ignorant. For you expect me to tell you of how my next year will be a performance featuring me as a role other than this prop of a doormat, but I can not assure you as such. I suppose for your sanity I can disclose that I indeed will be appearing in the opening weeks of this production, but a commitment to a year long project won't become appealing until the spring, if I keep with said gig that long. Though thoroughly unprepared for the opening, I can assure, the performance will be mediocre at best! Tickets and moldy tomatoes to throw at the actors are on sale now, but be sure not to get the two confused. I hope this shit show doesn't land a national tour.