Boot Camp.

Broken

And we're back to James!

~ * ~

 "What should I do, Remus?" I finally asked him.

Remus didn't respond for a good minute and when he did it was not what I wanted to hear.

"You shouldn't have said that."

"She knew it anyway."

"But she wasn't ready to hear it. There's a difference," Remus said gently.

"What difference?" I snapped.

"You saying it made it more real for her, and she wasn't ready, you know that, her emotions were unstable from being locked away all of those years, she'll come back when she's ready."

"But what if that time is after we go back to Hogwarts? After she dies again? You don't know what it feels like, you don't know what it will feel like. She'll just walk passed me without a second glance, she won't be able to... to see what's truly happening! If I died she wouldn't even care, Remus, you don't know what that feels like. And what if they kill her, and I-I find her on our doorstep, slowly bleeding to death, and don't say that's not realistic, because you know damn well that it's highly possible."

"It is, and I'm not going to deny that because we all know it's true, but this is also true, you and Lily need each other, and I think she knows that."

"Then why did she leave?" I asked furiously.

"She doesn't want you to get hurt, and she thinks that leaving you alone is the easiest or best way," Remus replied calmly.

"Leaving hurts more, Remus, because what if I never see her again? What if they go and kill her now? When she's to fragile to fight back? She'll be slaughtered and the next and last time I'll see her she'll be in a coffin."

"James, none of us can really help, while Sirius has the most experience with girls and Frank is the expert on love, none of us have ever come across a girl Lily, I know nothing we say can make you feel better or probably help you in anyway, but remember this: you make each other better, and dispite the circumstances you need each other like no two other people do. I won't bother you again unless you want me to, see you later, Prongs."

I heard the bed groan slightly as Remus stood up, he hesitated for a fraction of a second, as if he wanted to say something else, but he seemed to think better of it becase I heard soft footsteps walking away and the minute squeak of the door hinges as they were opened and shut as quietly as possible.

I was emotionally exhausted, my muscles were aching as if I'd just run fifty laps around the Quidditch pitch without stopping, my brain pounded in my head as if I'd just taken every NEWT and OWL in one after banging my head against the ground for a whole minute, and my heart burned, hurt and shattered as if it had been set alight and abused for an hour by a Titiam or two.

"What is this?" I asked myself stupidly as I flipped over onto my back and stared up at the ceiling.

It's called heartbreak, the inner voice replied quietly.

'But I've been heartbroken before, this is heart abuse.'

No, your heart ached before, it's never been broken.

'What's the difference?' I asked it bitterly.

Heartbreak is forever.

'You're so helpful,' I replied angrily.

There was no reply and as angry as I was, I knew I needed to sleep, it wouldn't help really, but maybe I'd be less angry if I slept.

So I kicked off my shoes, chucked my outer layers off so I was lying there in jeans and a shirt, and stared up at the ceiling, trying not to imagine what Lily was doing right now.