Boot Camp.

The Coward In Gryffindor Robes

So, this chapter was a toss up between Lily and James' point of view, I asked some of the people who either follow me, voted on a few chapters, or commented, stuff like that, and the majority of them said Lily's point of view, so, without further adieu, here it is:

Lily's point of view.

~ * ~

I couldn't do this to him, he gave me everything, it was more than I had ever had before, it was more than I had ever deserved, more than I would ever deserve.

With one last look at his shocked face I disappeared, choking down my tears.

***

"Lily?" Mum asked, confused, as she found me on her doorstep.

I said nothing, I only wept, wrapping my arms around her tightly, seeking comfort, the same comfort I would usually seek from James, no one else.

"What happened, Petal?" Mum said quietly as she held me.

"I-I can't, I d-don't deserve- I'll kill him, I'll kill them all," I sobbed.

"Oh Lily," Mum crooned, hugging me tighter, "What did you get yourself into?"

"Y-you don't understand, Mum, if I stay around them I'll get them killed, a-and I'll never stop hating myself for it! You know I won't!"

"Hey, little petal, it's alright," Mum crooned as she led me inside, into my room.

"Now tell me what happened, you can tell it however you would like," Mum said softly as we sat down on my bed, I'd only calmed down slightly.

"I-I knew he loved me, b-but I didn't know until now, and i-it just I-I co-couldn't- I couldn't cope, I-I... I couldn't stay with him, knowing that just before we go back I'll never see him again, the way I do now, I- I don't want to be like this, I want to be able to love him back, every day I live, but I can't, and he deserves better than me, he deserves someone who can laugh with him without faking it, someone who he can tell secrets to without the risk of them having to give them away, someone who will want and need him every day, someone who can love him freely, someone who isn't me," I wept.

"You truly do love him, don't you?" Mum whispered in my ear.

I nodded silently, tears flowing in great streams down my cheeks.

"Oh Lily, I'm so sorry," Mum whispered, sounding on the edge of tears herself.

"I just don't understand how he can love someone as hashed as I am... is he even real, Mum? Or did I just make him up? Are you just pretending he's real?" I whimpered.

"No, of course he's real, baby girl, and if he does love you, knowing what and how you are, knowing that it can't be like this every day, knowing that you can't love him back all of the time, I doubt he cares about his 'safety', if he loves you he'll do whatever you ask of him, even if that thing is staying away."

I didn't reply and just continued to cry into Mum's embrace.

"Do you want some tea, baby girl?" Mum asked quietly after my sobbing had subsided to sniffling.

"Yes please, Mum," I mumbled.

"Alright, dear," Mum smiled warmly as she stood up and left to put the kettle on.

The moment she left my once warm and welcoming room became cold and despairing, I wanted James here with me, I didn't want to leave him, but I did, for his, and the others', safety.

I looked around the room and felt more tears flow, nothing had been touched since my nineth birthday all those years ago.

Dust coated my dresser, wardrobe and walls, still the white and gold I had chosen as a small child.