Matthew Espinosa Imagines

All I Have Left

It was April 22nd.

Matt was my amazing husband, kissing me and loving me every chance he had. I know I was his whole world, and he was mine.

Jack was our little baby boy. He was just born, and we had gotten back from the hospital a week before.

Jack was Matt's pride and joy. Matt talked to him all the time, even though Jack was almost all the time sleeping and couldn't talk back yet.

One time I video taped it because it was just too cute.

But then Matt went out to get us dinner. I wanted to come with, but of course I had to stay and watch over Jack. So I did.

After an hour, I became frantic. The restaurant Matt claimed he was going to was only a couple miles away. Why was it taking him so long?

Maybe he decided to go to a different restaurant. Maybe he went to go get gas.

All these possibilities swam in my mind at a mile an hour as I paced the room until he phone rang.

Somehow I knew that the phone call was about Matt. My whole world froze and blurred, the only sound taunting me was the phone's ring.

I then answer when Jack begins to cry from the loud piercing noise of the ring. Or maybe he knew it was bad too.

I answer with a shaky hello. I hear sirens on the other end of the phone. My stomach tightens.

"Mrs. Espinosa?" A man spoke on the other end.

"Yes?" I said finally.

"Your husband was impacted by a drunk driver. We tried to save him, but he didn't make it. I'm sorry."

I remember the phone falling out of my hand and banging onto the floor. Jack screamed bloody murder. And I began sobbing from the excruciating pain throbbing in my heart.

I felt like I was dying from a broken heart. I called one person that night, and it was Matt's mother.

I told her to just come over and didn't tell her the reason. She drove straight to me since she heard how hysteric I was over the phone.

When she arrived, I told her the news in hiccups and sobs, and we cried together all night long.

I don't remember much of that night, but I do remember thinking, as I watched Jack sleep, that he was the only thing I had left of Matt.

And that's why I cherished him.

Now it is three years later exactly, on the anniversary of Matt's death.

And Jack and I were driving to the cemetery.

"Mommy?" Jack squeaks from behind me in the car.

"Yes honey?" I ask, turning into a new route.

"...Did Daddy like me?" Jack asks, almost making me crash the car from how shocked I was.

Jack rarely ever talked about Matt, close to never. He never asks questions, even when I told him all about Matt when he asked who his dad was.

"Uh," I stutter, clearing my throat and recovering from the shock.

"Ma-I mean...Daddy loved you with all his heart. You were his everything," I say. It was true. Matt loved Jack.

"Then why did he leave us?" Jack asks.

I purse my lips and breathe slowly. I keep the tears from even brimming in my eyes and then answer slowly.

"He...needed to go to heaven, Jack. He had a mission. But before he left, he told us both that he loved us so so much," I explain.

That was also true. He kissed me one last time before leaving the house and did the same to Jack, saying he loved us and leaving afterwards.

If I could go back in time I would lock down the house and make Matt stay and hold me all night.

"Why don't I remember it?" Jack wonders.

"You were very young," I answer.

Jack is quiet for a moment, making me think the conversation was over, but then he spoke up once more.

"I wish I could've met Daddy. I think I would've loved him back."

A single tear forces itself out of my eye. But I quickly wipe it and continue driving.

_

I take Jack's free hand in mine while his other hand held his teddy, which Matt had bought for him.

I walk him over to Matt's tombstone, and sigh when I see it. I always felt a pang in my heart when seeing it.

Jack and I sit down in front of it. We are quiet for a little, until Jack speaks.

"Can I see the picture?" Jack asks.

I nod, squeezing his little hand before letting go of it and pulling a folded up picture out of my back pocket and unfold it.

It was a picture of Matt holding Jack in the hospital. He was crying and smiling at the same time.

I hand Jack the picture as he holds it tightly in both hands.

I think what hurt the most was how much Jack looked like Matt. The blonde hair and the hazel eyes. He even said he wanted to be on TV one day.

"I wish I could've met you," Jack whispers, and my heart begins to ache as I realize he was talking to Matt.

My eyes squeeze shut as tears pour out finally. I'll never be done crying over Matthew. It's worse at night when I'm lying awake and alone.

"I know I'd love you, and I know you loved me because Mommy said so...I wish I remembered you, Daddy."

Jack then sets the picture down on the grass, stands, kisses Matt's tombstone, and then runs off to play with Teddy.

I make sure Jack is close by and busy with his imagination, and then wipe away my tears.

"I tell him more and more about you everyday," I tell Matt. "He loves you even though he never got to say it. I think that's progress."

The only sound for a little is the wind and Jack playing with his toy, until I finally say what I actually wanted to say.

"I miss you like hell, Matt," I say, making sure Jack didn't hear me say hell before I continued. "I will never forget our memories together; the day we met, our first date, when you proposed, our wedding...you were always my best friend more than my husband. And I'm never going to get over you even though I know you want me to. But I'm working on it...I love you babe. Jack is all I have left of you and I will raise him just like you would've. And I know you're protecting us as our angel in heaven."

I wipe away my tears, kiss the tombstone, and then haul Jack back into the car.

As I drove back home, I knew Matt was near, dead or alive, and that he would always be near, watching and protecting.

I love you, Matt.

_

currently crying. oops.

I'm gonna start doing a question of the day :)

QOTD (question of the day): If you could sleep with any celebrity who would it be?

love you all!!!!

- Abby/Ashley