Habit

Chapter 29

At some point in the midst of sadness, it becomes harder to tell the difference between when you're awake and when you aren't. Lauren felt like she was just dragging herself everywhere she went. It had been almost a month since she last spoke to Camila; the only other person beside her parents who would even look her in the eyes was Normani. Normani felt sorry for her best friend, but she couldn't help but side with Camila.

Normani knew Camila still cared, she saw it in the way she'd stare a little longer and the way she'd cringe and step forward every time it seemed like Lauren would collapse right then and there. Normani could see it in Camila's windows for eyes that the girl was fighting her own demons that told her to stay away from Lauren. Graduation was soon, impossibly and inevitably close and all three girls just knew time was their biggest enemy right now. Lauren was losing hope in ever recovering from the trauma she now carried because it wasn't so much as to what happened that night, it's what didn't that anchored her. Camila was losing sleep with the incessant late night debates she'd have with herself on whether to follow her heart or listen to her brain.

It's a redundant battle that everyone crosses at some point in their lives, whether to choose the pragmatic choice, or the seemingly reckless one. Sometimes, if not usually, the heart is guided by something far more powerful than ethics and logic; it's led by faith. It's human nature to choose the instinctive and impulsive decision when faced with a troubling situation and Camila chose her heart.

Camila sat on a bench early that Friday morning and stared at the double doors that would eventually present her with the only person who could affect her the way she did. She felt the familiarity of the situation when she stood up abruptly and nervously from the bench to run over to her locker and try to be discreet. She opened her locker to hide her face behind of but kept her head in a direction that would allow her to see Lauren out of the corner of her eye. She didn't want to make eye contact because she knew nothing good could come out of it, but she still had to watch over her as she had been doing the entire month.

Camila wasn't dumb; she knew that after that night in that bedroom regardless of what had and hadn't happened, Lauren would be changed, and all Camila was waiting for was the breakdown. All that Lauren was currently feeling and physically portraying was nothing compared to what would happen the moment her walls came crashing down, Camila knew what it felt like when you're on the brink of falling over the edge that is giving up and as upset as she was with Lauren, that's the last thing she wanted, yes, she wasn't nearly prepared to forgive Lauren but she did love her. They had both had a slip-up here and there where they'd incautiously tell each other they loved one another but they never told each other they were in love with each other and those are two entirely different standing points in a relationship- or a potential one.

Camila's back stiffened and straightened a bit when she felt the messy dark waves brush her bare shoulder and held her breath when Lauren stood still for a bit as if waiting for the girl to do anything- show anything. Camila closed her eyes and took two deep breathes before she turned around. Lauren was looking at her like a lost puppy with Normani by her side, holding her hand supportively. Camila had her lips in a thin line and she couldn't help but look the girl up and down, she looked awful. Her eyes were bloodshot and she didn't smell as clean as she usually did. When Camila's eyes wandered back up to Lauren's face, she noticed the girl's lower lip was trembling and her eyes were giving her that warning again. Camila exhaled, frustrated with what to do, and what not to do- should she?

Lauren looked at Camila and knew if she was being sensible, she'd be so embarrassed with herself, but she was exhausted. She felt her heart begin to race when Camila brought up a hand and although if anyone else had done this, she would've flinched, she knew she was never in harm around Camila, and was proven right when all Camila did was move a strand of her hair out of her face.